10.01.15 - Brand New Day

October 13, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:15pm: We go to dinner at Trudy’s - a solid Tex-Mex restaurant. We sit at picnic tables in what used to be a parking lot. Austin has a charming way of making white trash things fun. Everything is near an upscale food trailers/trucks. Everything is right off the highway. Everything is in a strip mall. Every outdoor space may or may not have been parking lot at one point. BUT it’s all sort of upscale and charming. That coffee house in the strip mall has 3 choices of espresso. The taco truck has 3 artisanal salsas.

7:20pm: The ordering process is very long here. Somehow ordering tacos takes 5 minutes. Grilled or Fried? Which tortillas? Which sides? What kind of beans? What kind of salsa? Who actually cares? Like we would all be happy if you just bring us some meat & cheese in a wrapper. That’s it. You’re making it too hard Trudy!!!

7:30pm: The Texas “martini” (giant margarita) I ordered, arrives. It’s in a metal shaker. This place is taking “Texas” size very seriously. Call me old-fashioned, but I would prefer my drinks in regular size glass cups.

7:35pm: Chris ordered a Hendricks martini and the waitress is very confused. That’s not tequila? What is a Hendricks? Apparently no one orders actual gin or vodka martinis here. The manager has to come over to Chris to tell them they didn’t have Hendricks – just Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray. Inferior.

7:40pm: Our food comes out. Lots of things are wrong and lots of things are missing. That’s what happens when you make things too complicated TRUDY.

Well you certainly destroyed my dinner, Trudy.

Chris’s martini comes – it’s in an actual martini glass – endless class. But he asked for olives and there are no olives. He just gives up.

8:50pm: We arrive at Emo’s, a concert venue in Austin. Caitlin & I think this is hilarious because we are here for a Brand New concert. Just watching the emo band in Emo’s with the emos. The opener Manchester Orchestra is playing now very very loudly. Since when is Manchester Orchestra a scream-o band? Guys, you’re mic’ed. You don’t need to yell at me.

9:55pm: Brand New begins. They are singing very loudly too. Maybe all these musicians are just deaf from hears of playing? Caitlin really wanted to see Brand New because they were one of her favorite bands when she was in Middle School and High School. So she's seeing them to satisfy her 14 year old self. I didn't really listen to them then and I don't listen to them now but Caitlin & I usually have very similar taste in music so I figured I would have a good time either way.*

10:37pm: I feel a little like Caitlin's dad as she dances and sings along to all the songs and I just stand here with my concert earplugs in. Yes, I wear special fancy earplugs to most shows. They are like $15 for the basic pair, and you can still hear the music really well.* Better maybe because there isn’t as much static. Anyone who goes to a lot of shows should get them. Our generation is already gonna be super deaf from using in-ear headphones from age 6 with our walk-mans, ipods, iphones.

The man next to me is also wearing fancy earplugs. But he is 40 and standing with his age inappropriate 25 year old girlfriend who also is singing along to all the songs. He also clearly doesn't know the words to these songs. So maybe I am Caitlin’s lame boyfriend and not her Dad? Anyway the point is me and that guy are the only people at this venue that don’t know every single Brand New song and their lyrics.

The bouncer in the yellow is me at this show

10:45pm: I go to the bar to get a drink. I am wearing a Marina & the Diamonds t-shirt with Marina’s shirt on it. The bartender asks if it’s me. Nope – not wearing a big picture of myself on my t-shirt but thanks for thinking I look like Marina. What a babe.

10:47pm: A lady in the bathroom asks me if my shirt is a picture of me. Nope – still not wearing a picture of myself on my shirt. Who would do that? Do people in Texas do that?

11:14pm: Everyone's favorite song comes on. I don’t know what is because by this time in the concert I realize I don’t remember any of their songs because I didn’t really listen to them in Middle School/High School. Not because I wasn’t depressed and full of teenage angst. I was depressed and angry for sure. I just listened to a lot of golden oldies, the Beatles and super emotional musical theatre songs instead to get out the angst. I literally had a playlist on my itunes called “Sad Beatles Music.” Yesterday is literally one of the saddest songs ever written. Listen to it right now and try to NOT be depressed. I dare you.

Did you make it through without reflecting on all your regrets and your past mistakes? Do you feel empty inside yet? Are you crying? DO YOU FEEL ALL THE FEELS?

11:30pm: We cross the street to avoid the crowd and order an Uber in the parking lot of a Mexican Restaurant. And so the night ended how it began – in a parking lot.

*ALSO then we don’t have to see them at ACL and we can see Run the Jewels instead who are playing at the same time!

**Don’t get Dubs. They are shit. Get Etymotic Research ER20 ETY-Plugs Hearing Protection Earplugs; they are the best cheap option.

09.30.15 - Organ Meat

October 03, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:30pm: We arrive promptly for our reservation at Dai Due. I made these reservations about a month ago when I read an article in Bon Appetit’s 10 Best New Restaurants issue about this restaurant. I thought it would be fun to have one fancy not taco or BBQ (or BBQ tacos) meal while in Austin. Dai Due is farm to table dining with a theme for the menu each night. Tonight’s theme is “wild card” which according to their website means they will feature “limited availability or esoteric items like wild game, foraged items and interesting cuts.” I am slightly worried at the description but I march forward. I’ve eaten snails and other offal with great success and enjoyment.

7:40pm: Dai Due is also a butcher shop so they are known for their meat. The menu is almost all meat options with one fish option; crab cakes. The restaurant is wooden with fresh flowers and herbs decorating the tables. It’s a nice feminine balance to the all meat menu. The menu features a number of interesting meat options including, but not limited to: a cold meat plate, venison ceviche*, pork neck chop, boudin noir & giant beef rib. Nothing vegetarian here; even the bread instead of coming with butter comes with whipped lard.

7:45pm: We order the cold meat plate to start. Emily is adventurous and tells us all how she loves organ meat. Can’t get enough organ meat. She’s really into tripe (animal stomach) tacos, which apparently are a common Mexican thing? Emily asked what boudin noir is; it’s blood sausage. She orders the blood sausage. Gabby sticks to her guns and gets crab cakes. She’s not one for adventurous eating. Chris orders a pork chop; also less adventurous. I get a confit of boar meat.** I was hoping they would feature more organ meat on the menu but sadly I just had to settle for the chicken liver mousse on the cold meat plate.

7:50pm: Cold meat plate arrives and is way less gross than its name. It’s mostly just different types of charcuterie with a meat mousse. I love salami almost as much as I love hotdogs so I am quite pleased with this appetizer. I don’t need any of those premium cuts; just some weird animal parts you ground up with salt and then put into an intestine. Yum. Waste not; want not.

8:15pm: Our food arrives. Feelings on dinner are mixed. Emily hates her blood sausage. I try some and it is sort of gross and bland. It also isn’t the texture of a normal sausage but instead very dry? Apparently this is the usual texture of blood sausage since it’s coagulated blood. However, it comes with mashed potatoes and baked apples, so everything on her plate is just bland and mushy. Yuck. Gabby’s crabcakes are good but nothing to write home about, I’ve had better in Delaware. Chris’s pork chop is really good and it comes with nice homemade sauerkraut. My boar confit is good but a little dry for a confit. It seems like they confited it and then put it back together and fried that meat cube which seemed unnecessary… I feel like sometimes chefs try to get too creative and are like let’s smoke it and then cook it and then raise it and then just like put some foam on top. WOO

9:00pm: We go to the Haymaker because Chris described it as a bro-y University of Texas bar. I was excited but once inside it seemed like most of the clientele were just old regular adult people. BORING. I was hoping to find my new sporty UT boyfriend who would buy me shots of fireball. Sadly that hope is dashed.

9:30pm: The water glasses at all the Texas restaurants are also gigantic! About 36 ounces of water, which is good because I am very thirsty from how big the drinks are but also bad because they are physically hard to drink from them. Being a graceful lady, I spill an entire glass ice and all onto Emily while trying to drink from one. We promptly leave.

*I don’t even understand how this could be a thing. I am gonna take a hard pass on slightly raw deer meat. I will save that delicacies for the apocalypse when we will all be feasting on raw deer meat and the blood of our enemies.

**Maybe a lingering lust from the wild boar we saw in animal kingdom! Sorry Pumba; it's the circle of life.

09.29.15 - Texas Martinis

October 02, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

4:30pm: Gabby & I have been sitting in a plane on a tarmac in the Orlando airport for the last two hours. The baby in front of me is crying and we haven’t eaten since 11am. I am very very grumpy. I am about to steal a mickey shaped cookie from a 2 year old when we finally take off for Houston.

6:00pm: We arrive in Houston and I literally run across the terminal to our gate to get a seat on the next available flight to Austin, since the delay caused us to miss our connection. I have never been so thankful for the moving sidewalk conveyor belt things.

6:30pm: Crisis averted we have seats on the plane! We celebrate with two margaritas each at the airport bar. I feel nothing. DAMN YOU AIRPORT BAR AND YOUR WEAK WEAK DRINKS.

8:00pm: Arrive in Austin! Never have I been so excited to be in a Red State. Gabby’s boyfriend Chris, and her friend Emily, pick us up from the airport. Chris lives in Austin. Emily does not, she is also visiting for Austin City Limits.

9:00pm: We all go to the Shady Groove. We are seated in the large outdoor area of a shady groove under a tall tree. Outside there is a vintage aluminum trailer that serves as the bathroom and above the trailer they are projecting old movies. The movie tonight is the 1997 Disney version of Olivier Twist with Elijah Wood. I am not sure this really fits the trailer park/tex-mex/southern theme of the restaurant but maybe a staff member just really like Charles Dickens?

9:10pm: We all order something called the Texas Martini, which is a very strong, very large margarita. It is served in a full dink shaker with a clean martini glass and olives. I would guess it’s about 3 drinks worth of alcohol. WELCOME TO TEXAS!

9:30pm: For dinner, I get the seasonal veggie plate with a jalapeño twice baked potato. If you’ve never had a twice-baked potato then you’re really missing out on a great potato preparation. Do you like mashed potatoes? Yes? Do you like baked potatoes? Yes? Then it’s the best of both worlds with this baby. First they bake a potato then they scoop out the inside. Make the inside into some sort of delicious mashed potato then they put those mashed potato back inside the potato skin and bake that in the oven. I love them but I never make them because they take a really long time and are super bad for you. BUT if you want to make them - here is a bomb recipe via Bon Appetit for a sweet potato version.

10:00pm: 2 Texas martinis later I notice that the bar is playing very sad weird country songs with lyrics such as “don’t let your daughter use your truck” “you’re like a cactus with my heart. ” The lyrics are so silly they seem like they might be parodies of country songs, but no, they are real country songs.* I still sort of like them though. I mean it does sound sensible to not loan your daughter a truck – like maybe she’ll wreck it or most trucks still have bench seats and everyone knows bench seats mean road head. So really you should the song should be let no teenagers or sexually active adults drive your truck.

I know most people don’t like country music, but I like a lot of country music both past & present. I love Kacey Musgraves, Willie Nelson, and Dolly Parton. I mean I don’t love the truck riding, gun-shooting, male dominated country rock because it all sounds like the same non-sense (please watch the demonstration in the video below by Grady Smith). But once you get past the super mainstream stuff, there are a lot of great country artists out there.

11:00pm: Arrive back at Chris’s house. Chris got us (mostly Gabby) flowers and card saying he’s excited for us to visit! He’s so thoughtful. In addition to the lovely flowers, Chris has about 30 succulents. He had about 5 the last time I visited. Pretty much every time Gabrielle visits they go to this really fun plant store and she buys a succulent or four. She visits a lot. Sadly a few of the plants she brought him are dying. Hope she isn't upset about it...

*Although I can’t be entirely certain.

09.28.15 - Happy Birthday Bob

October 01, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

6:25pm: Gabby & I arrive in Epcot. EPCOT officially stands for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow – an acronym created by Walt Disney when he originally envisioned it as a utopian testing city in 1966.

However, Disney died later in 1966 and they scraped this idea. Instead they created a theme park on this land loosely based on his ideas. So now instead of a Utopian society it a theme park separated into two sections: Future World and the World Showcase. The World Showcase is 11 sections that are themed like 11 different countries.

Obviously the 11 most important countries were chosen based on America’s level of interest, cuisine offerings, and general aesthetic appeal. The 11 countries are: Canada, the United Kingdom, France, Morocco, Japan, “The American Amphitheatre” (not sure why America is needed but it’s there), Italy, Germany, China, Norway, and Mexico. Also there is a weird “outpost” with drums and other vague “African” things between Germany & China that is “Africa” themed because somehow even in 2015, Americans think of Africa as one big general country.

6:30pm: Our vacation falls at the beginning of the 20th Annual Epcot International Food & Wine Festival. As far as I can tell the Food & Wine festival is just the addition of little themed houses that serve special small plates of food and different alcohols based on a county, region, or food theme. For example, there was an Italy booth (country), Patagonia (food region) and a Champagne & dessert (food theme). There was also an Africa food booth because again America just lumps it all together. GUYS, MOROCCO IS IN AFRICA.

Basically it seems like a heightened version of the usual Epcot plan of let’s walk around very slowly and get drunk on a bunch of liquors that shouldn’t go together in one stomach. Also every single country featured some type of alcohol slushy. I am pretty sure this is not very authentic to these countries. But I think the drinking concept in America is take a basic idea and then add more sugar& more ice* and make it 3 times as big.

accurate depiction of size and sugar content in drinks

7:00pm: Gabby & I reach “Mexico” and decide we should probably just bite the bullet and get a drink. We bypass the special “food & wine” booth because they only have a frozen margaritas and go to the normal “cantina” where we order two regular margaritas with salt. They are $10 each but they come in huge plastic pint glasses.

7:10pm: We go inside the Aztec pyramid which features a fake nighttime outdoor market with little stands. I am about half way through my margarita pint and I am wasted. THESE ARE SO STRONG DISNEY. I have no idea why Disney wants me to be wasted. It seems like a terrible idea but I guess they figure it’s the happiest place on earth and alcohol makes a lot of people happy- at least in the short term. Also could be a strategy to get people to not maximize park time. If you’re wasted or hungover you will spend less time on rides or in the parks and more time sitting in your hotel room bed or on the ground or on the bathroom floor…

7:35pm: We meet my parents in the United Kingdom for my Dad’s (actual) birthday dinner at the Rose & Crown. We eat here every time we visit Disney. My mom thinks the Epcot fireworks are the best fireworks ever in existence and the seating on the Rose & Crown patio is a great viewing point. Also she is obsessed with their bangers & mash, which sounds gross but is actually just sausage, and mashed potatoes. It also happens to be pretty good. Why do the English give their food such disgusting names? Like bubble & squeak? Is that a potion? Is it a cleaning product? Who knows?

7:45pm: Again, it becomes an issue that my Dad can’t have diary. So they bring him the allergy menu, which is sort of useful, but also sort of annoying because it tries to just do catch all items that hit all the major food allergies. So everything is like gluten-free, soy-free, shellfish free, nut-free and diary-free which makes for some bland options. It’s like a menu for crazy suburban moms who don’t actually have food allergies, but are probably just anorexic and claim they have all these allergies to make it impossible to find food to eat. “Oh I am so hungry but I couldn’t possible eat that it has meat, diary, gluten, wheat, nuts, sugar, air in it…”

Here take this dear; I can't eat it, it has fructose. — Here take this dear; I can't eat it, it has fructose.

My Dad just has one simple diary allergy but it seems to perplex restaurants all the time. Shouldn’t the chef know what’s in the menu items? My Dad is also constantly explaining to people that mayonnaise doesn’t have diary in it; it’s just egg, oil, salt & vinegar and/or lemon. What do you people think is in mayo? And also do most people just willy-nilly eat food without reading the ingredients? SPOILER ALERT AMERICA: everything has sugar and/or corn syrup in it. He ends up ordering steak & French fries, surprisingly an option on the “allergy” menu. French fries are gluten free bitches.

9:00pm:The show & fireworks start! They light parts of the lagoon on fire. The fire is so hot I can feel the heat from my seat about 100 yards away (this is my own personal estimation). This show has always seemed to be of dubious safety to me. I am pretty sure this one time I was sitting downwind and I inhaled some firework debris.

Source:https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/entertainment/epcot/illuminations-reflections-of-earth/I tried using my own photo but it was mostly smoke and fog — Source:https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/entertainment/epcot/illuminations-reflections-of-earth/
I tried using my own photo but it was mostly smoke and fog

9:10pm: The show is called IlluminNations: Reflections of Earth** and has been running pretty much unchanged for the last 15 years. It was introduced for the turn of the new millennium. Until literally this trip, I thought the song said “we belong” in the chorus as a nice reminder that we are all humans and we have a special place on the earth BUT it actually says “we go on” which I think is much more melancholy and similar to the saying “life goes on.” Which is a terrible saying because it basically just says you’ll live even if everything is terrible. So, I basically now feel like my whole childhood was a lie.“We go on” what the fuck is that Disney?

I think that it’s meant to be inspiring or something but all the songs about the future being better and brighter are a load of bollocks. It now reminds me of the song everyone sings in Les Miserable called “One Day More” and then SPOILER ALERT: everyone dies except four people (and two of them are terrible cruel thieves who steal off of the corpses of the dead!).

9:300pm: It was clear from the beginning that our waitress was a terrible waitress, but she has reached new levels tonight by not bringing us water, not bringing us forks, not understanding what dairy is, and bringing out 5 entrees instead of four… but she really took the cake when she literally forgot to bring out the cake. The,n when the waitresses walked out with the vegan vanilla mocha cake my mom especially ordered for my Dad’s birthday our waitress hasn’t put in the candles because they weren’t sure if he could have them? DID YOU THINK THEY WERE MADE OF BUTTER LADIES?

So I now have to light the candles myself with a shitty cigarette lighter, I proceed to burn my finger and then we sing happy birthday again. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB.

*THE ICE THOUGH - Why is Strongbow in the U.S. advertising that Strongbow should be served with ice? It’s not gingerale! In the UK they just serve hard cider like they serve beer in a pint glass. DEAR AMERICA: STOP RUINING THINGS.

**The show is down in the center of the nations illuminated by fireworks reflecting in the lagoon because puns never get old in Disney World.

09.27.15 - Fantasmic! & Other Drugs

October 01, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:25pm: I decided last minute I really want to go see Fantasmic, the Fantasia-based show and fireworks spectacular at Disney’s Hollywood Studios (formerly known as MGM studios). My first choice was to go see the fireworks at Magic Kingdom but I found out about an hour ago that it closes at 7pm tonight for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party costs $70 per person in addition to the cost of a park ticket. Little kids do get free candy but since I am not a little kid it seems very silly to shell out the cash for this event. Also it’s SIX WEEKS before Halloween people.

Even the residents of Halloween Town know Halloween is just one day people.

So now we are at Hollywood Studios walking down the long path to the huge amphitheater. Pop covers of classic Disney movie songs are booming through the speakers. My sister is particularly in love with a cover of Part of Your World by a pre-twerking Miley Cyrus.

Don't worry guys I found it so you can also enjoy this masterpiece.

7:45pm: My sister & I eat Mickey pops for dinner. Mickey pops aren’t actually called Mickey pops but that’s what my mom has always called them. They’re actually called “Mickey’s Premium Ice Cream Bars” and they’re vanilla ice cream bars covered in chocolate shaped like Mickey’s head. There are so many food items are shaped like Mickey’s head in Disney world. Like about 50% of all food items are shaped like Mickey’s head: cookies, ice cream, lollipops, pretzels etc. It’s cute but also a little creepy like we are all taking some weird Disney communion and embracing the body of Mickey Mouse into our heart & souls.

7:55pm: The huge amphitheater is now almost full. The primo seating is reserved for either people with Fastpass+ or people who bought the dinner package. Disney loves a tiered system. In the past, Disney was more of a meritocracy in terms of getting the primo seating or first on the ride. You just had to wake up the earliest, be there first, and walk or run the fastest. Now you can pretty much pay extra to get better seats or avoid lines or waiting. However, there are still a few tricks and I got us relatively good seats by finding a space between two large families.

8:00pm: The show begins! The premise of Fantasmic is that you’re seeing what’s in Mickey’s imagination and he’s having a total blast.Then, the Wicked Queen from Snow White appears on stage, upset that Mickey is happy and casts a spell on Mickey to control his imagination, turning his dream into a nightmare. I am not sure if this is supposed to be a metaphor for parents bringing you down? Or the man bringing you down? Basically Mickey just wants to have a good time and no one will let him.

The whole show is basically a reminiscent of an acid trip; it’s great at first and everything is beautiful but then you peak and things get a little too intense and everything is terrifying but then you remember that it’s your mind and you can control everything and you defeat a giant animatronic dragon. Then the green fairy, I mean Tinker-Bell appears. Suddenly, Mickey is suddenly on a party boat with 20 of his best friends also dancing.

The grand finale is just Mickey in a sparkly sorcerer’s apprentice outfit on top of the mountain dancing to music that sounds like if a marching band played a song similar to the Mario Party video game soundtrack with fireworks bursting above his head to the rhythm.

Then he disappears and reappears in his usual outfit at the bottom of the mountain and says “some imagination ha-ha.” And that’s why Disney is the anti-drug. I have friends who have taken drugs at Disney World* but I think my head would literally explode; sensory overload, ha-ha.

Please keep arms & legs inside the vehicle at all times.

8:30pm: We reach the pier but the last boat back to our hotel leaves the dock. We have to walk home now on a weird deserted path about a mile or two back to our hotel. Gabby constantly sings the same line from frozen over and over again. LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOOR-OR-OR. I think she is tempting me to murder her and dump her into this man-made lagoon.

9:00pm: I spot something moving on the ground and think it is a frog. I go for a closer look and it’s a huge roach. YUCK YUCK YUCK. This is the first time ever I have seen a roach in Disney. I don’t know what they do to get rid of bugs but there are usually little or no bugs in and around Disney. I have been here three days and I haven’t gotten a single mosquito bite. I assume they have some secret methods that involve lots of daily chemical clouds bug genocides and the introduction of extra spiders to get rid of mosquitos and other pests but even so on the walk home I spot a second roach. This proves that not even the magic of Disney can stop the roaches… I imagine it’s the roach from Wall-E to help ease my mind.

*One friend (who will remain anonymous) told me about taking molly for the first time at a high school field trip in Disneyland and then got on the teacups at night and just tweaked out. Another friend (who will also remain anonymous) ate an edible then went to the Magic Kingdom and proceeded to eat about 5 churros and get really paranoid by the little animatronic people on it’s a small world. Let’s just keep Disney pure guys and only occasionally drink in Epcot.

09.26.15 - House Meets Mouse

October 01, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:20pm: It just stopped raining. Right now Florida feels like sitting in a slightly moldy lukewarm shower. It didn’t actually start raining until the late afternoon but the weather in the morning was 100% humidity. Humidity is worse than rain, as least rain makes you slightly cooler. Humidity is oppressive and you look disgusting – my hair hasn’t been dry in two days. I am not sure how anyone ever looks cute in Florida. All the ladies must have keratin treatments or some secret I am missing.

7:40pm: We arrive at the Coral Reef restaurant. This is one of the oldest and most iconic restaurants at Epcot. For those you who were/are Full House fans it’s based on the two part “House Meets Mouse” in 1993 where the whole family goes to Disney and Jesse and Joey go swimming with dolphins in a tank that can be seen from the restaurant. The centerpiece of the restaurant is the windowed wall because who doesn’t want to see live fish before they eat fish? The Nadig Family has never eaten here so we decided to spice it up and not eat at the same 5 places we usually eat dinner.

7:50pm: We are seated sort of far from the windows but we still have a good view. It is pretty cool to see sea turtles and sharks at dinner but also a little sad because they are stuck in a tank so you can watch them at dinner… or are we stuck in a tank and the fish are watching us? Getting really philosophical here in Disney World.

source: https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/dining/epcot/coral-reef-restaurant/ — source: https://disneyworld.disney.go.com/dining/epcot/coral-reef-restaurant/

8:00pm: There are also lots of people diving in the tank that just keep waving and waving. Like guys didn’t you just pay obscene amounts of money to scuba dive in Disney World? Don’t you want to look at the fish and sharks and not at the people you can see for free all the time?

8:00pm: Our waiter Cliff from Orlando* seems like he is a little drunk. He is very slow and keeps asking us the same questions. At one point he comes to our table and talks with us for 5 full minutes about the weather in Orlando and drinking in Orlando and what he likes to drink. I will add that this conversation was sparked by a passing comment from me that it was very humid outside. I think he is just excited to have a table full of relatively normal adults with no kids or foreigners who aren’t wearing mickey ears.**

8:30pm: The food is good, but nothing exceptional. My dish came with pea risotto. I have very mixed feelings about risotto. Don’t get me wrong, I like risotto, it’s just never my first choice for a side dish or an entrée. I usually prefer pasta for the entrée or actual rice for my side dish. Risotto is always the kiss of death on cooking shows. It seems like one can never make risotto correctly. The judges are always saying it is “overcooked” or “undercooked” and the chefs swear they were trained in Italy and that’s the correct perfect risotto consistency. I honestly think no one really knows what risotto is actually supposed to taste like and the consistency is more of preference. Probably because in their heart of hearts everyone knows risotto is just mushy rice and it tastes good because you cook it with butter and white wine. Almost anything tastes good if you cook if with butter and white wine. I could cook shoe leather in butter and wine and you would be like “hmm this shoe leather is pretty good – a little chewy though.”

Yes add more salt that'll make it taste better too.

8:50pm: Since Cliff is taking his sweet sweet time with the check; my mom and sister decide to leave to try to go on Soarin’: my mom’s favorite ride. Soarin’ is a weird simulated hang gliding experience, where they pump out wind and the scent of pine trees and orange grooves so you feel like it’s real. Disney creates the grand capacity for a dystopian future were you never ever have to go outside or do things that might actually be dangerous. I am pretty sure the cruise ship from Wall-E is loosely based on a Disney World Theme Park.

9:00pm: Cliff comes out with a free chocolate lava cake that my Dad can’t eat. Gabby & my Mom have already run over to Soarin’. Cliff is really not a thinker, but at least now I have free cake for breakfast. Score.

9:15pm: My Dad & I wait outside the entrance to Soarin’. My Dad, being the sane person he is, thinks they are taking too long and is wondering if they are dead. It turns out that there was a 70 minute wait at Soarin’ but the guard took pity on my Mom & Gabby because they told him they had people waiting for them and he gave them a free fastpass+ so they could skip the line. WOOOO MAGIC!***

*It says on every Disney cast members name tag where they are from originally. I think they do this so you can bond with them on a deep personal level? Or because Disney wants you to know that the people in Epcot World Showcase are really from their respective countries? I am not sure.

**I think that in Disney this is sort of a rare occurrence.

***Or more likely some sort of flirting. Gabby is a pretty magical flirter a skill she inherited from my mom.

09.25.15 - Betches & Cream

October 01, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:15pm: My family leaves our room at the Beach Club in Disney World to go to our dinner reservation. Disney has started this new thing where they address your whole party as “whatever Family.” I think it’s supposed to be cute but it’s sort of creepy like they are about to murder us all because it’s not just the hostess who address us this way but the servers, the concierge, the bussers who learned our name from the computer reservation. I think I am probably too paranoid but when strangers address me with a high level of familiarity I assume they are out to get me. Have we met before today sir? Stop addressing me by my legal name. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME SIR!

My family is Disney Vacation Club Members. According to their website, Disney Vacation Club is “a cost-effective vacation ownership program.” It’s basically a time-share in the Disney World Resort. You buy it, then pay yearly dues for 40 years in order to go to vacation in Disney. * When I was younger, we used to vacation in Disney World every single year, a couple years we went multiple times a year. So eventually, my parents just decided we should take the plunge and join the Disney Vacation Club. Um what? This is our first time back at Disney World in four years (Gabby & I went to Disneyland twice in the last 2 years though). WILL IT BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT?

All of my cute Disney World Photos are at my parents house but this one was on my phone.  Gabby & I at MGM Studios circa 1998 — All of my cute Disney World Photos are at my parents house but this one was on my phone. Gabby & I at MGM Studios circa 1998

7:30pm: We arrive at Beaches & Cream, a 50s style Ice Cream & Burger shop. This should be a casual place but since it’s only 1 of 2 dinner spots at the hotel, a reservation is required. All of the hostesses are made to wear the silliest outfits: pastel striped dresses with puffy sleeves and big bows. They look like a cross between little boo peep and cotton candy. Pretty much every “cast member” outfit is on the scale of silly to completely ridiculous. Also everyone is called a “cast member” because basically they are all acting in one way or another. There is no “real” at Disney. The only real things are the real people, which is why I usually hate the other people there. YOU ARE RUINING MY PERFECT WORLD.

Ideal amount of people in Beaches & Cream

7:45pm: We are seated. The specialty of the Beaches & Cream is the “Kitchen Sink” a $29 giant sundae served in a faux metal sink dish that comes with huge pieces of cake and brownies and also every topping ever. It says on the menu it serves 4 people but it could probably serve about 10 people.

Every time a table orders one they turn down the lights put on party lights and make an announcement. Almost every table is ordering this dessert. AMERICA. I never understood super giant ice cream sundaes though, because if you don’t finish it, it melts and it’s ruined. It’s like the ultimate American decadence. Not only is it rich, fatty and way too big, you literally have to shovel it into your mouth at epic speeds to enjoy it before it melts. But that being said - we did order this once when I was 10 years old for my birthday with my grandma, sister and mom and I think we finished it. The Nadig family is a little insanely competitive. We will conquer it even if it kills us.

8:30pm: We’re very intense about Disney in the regular world but in Disney World we basically are amateurs. Everyone here is wearing all Disney clothes, Disney hats, and Disney jewelry. I think our Disney street cred might be at all-time low but I am not sure I am mad about that. I still have won Disney trivia 2 times but that was in the real world , in NYC, so I am not sure it even counts…

8:45pm: When we arrived at Disney, the concierge gave my Dad a birthday button with his name to wear. When you wear your birthday button at Disney, random cast members say “Happy Birthday!” everywhere you go. He usually replies with a terse "thank you" or he actually just said "okay" as a response to one woman.

This is the almost the exact face my Dad makes when people say "Happy Birthday"

Also when it's your birthday you basically get free dessert at every meal. 75% of the times we went to Disney in my childhood we went during winter vacation which always fell on presidents day which always fell on my birthday. Let’s just say my birthday, as a child, was extra blessed. We order a banana split to share for dinner. Since it is my Dad’s birthday they dim the lights and put a candle in our banana split and the whole restaurant sings happy birthday. My dad is embarrassed. He doesn’t like attention. Also, he is allergic to dairy so the dessert was for the Nadig ladies anyways.** However, he did get a personalized birthday card signed by Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck & Goofy.

9:30pm: We go back to the room because we have to wake up at 5:30am the next morning so we can be in line for the park at 7:15am to be first on Toy Story Mania – it opens at 8:00am. Did I mention we are a little intense and competitive?

*You can use your points to go other places too with partnerships with other hotels or Disney resorts not near the Disney parks. BUT WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?!

**We bought my Dad 6 vegan donuts when we arrived. Disney is getting hip to the times and now has a vegan bakery in Downtown Disney. It’s actually sugar-free, gluten-free, wheat-free, soy-free, dairy-free, egg-free, vegan & kosher. I have no idea what ingredients are let to be in these but they actually looked decent. I think maybe they are just mostly made of coconut sugar, coconut flour, coconut flour and foam. It’s by the same people who started BabyCakes in NYC but they changed the name from BabyCakes to Erin McKenna’s Bakery NYC. Maybe they thought Babycakes was too sexual? Or people thought it was for actual babys? Unclear.

Vegan Donuts. I can't comment on their taste because my Dad didn't share.

09.24.15 - Rihanna in Bed-Stuy

September 25, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

6:55pm: I arrive in Bed-Sty for the last “Movies in the Spark” rooftop screening of the season, Do the Right Thing. “Movies in the Spark” is a 420-friendly summer rooftop film series with free PBR, food & a “spark up.” It’s $20 per person. I arrived a tad early for the 7pm start time but the door to the roof was open so I just walked up. It becomes obvious that things are a little slow moving for this crew. The screen isn’t totally set up. Only half the twinkle lights are on. The food & beer aren’t even there yet. I know this is typically a stoner event but come on guys, maybe toke up after you’ve set up. *

7:30pm: Everything is finally set up. One of the women working comes over and brings me a 16-ounce PBR. I like PBR, I know it’s terrible beer but I like it because it’s flavorless. It’s just like slightly alcoholic water and I can get behind that.

7:50pm: Finally some of the food is ready! Hot dogs & Cheeseburgers! I have two hot dogs. I absolutely love hot dogs.** They are one of my favorite foods of all time. Nothing tastes quite like a hot dog. When I lived in London, that’s what I missed – American hotdogs & Gulden’s spicy brown mustard. Whenever, I eat one I feel like I could eat about 10 more. I’ve toyed with the idea of entering a hot dog eating contest. Just to see how I would fare? I won my camp's watermelon-eating contest but that was based on speed not on quantity. I guess I could just have the contest with myself or is that considered training? Or binge eating?

8:05pm: We buy “nutcrackers,” frozen alcoholic slushies from Kerby’s Cups. We try two flavors, the Rihanna and the Purple Motherfucker. The Rihanna is a super strong Piña colada with cherry. A strong Caribbean full of surprises - just like my girl RiRi. The Purple drink is sort of grape? But also maybe berry? Basically it’s just strong AF.

Screen Shot 2015-09-25 at 11.18.00 PM.png

Both drinks basically taste like 90% rum with 5% Kool-Aid and 5% straight sugar and it’s delicious. These drinks are available on demand, much like the now gone Phrosties. Good thing I didn’t know about these guys during the summer; could have been dangerous. Luckily now all I am craving are hot toddies.

8:10pm: The movie finally starts. I have never seen Do the Right Thing. Love the opening credits. I basically just want to dance in lycra all day. I know American Apparel tried to bring lycra back but I think we as a society need to try harder.

8:20pm: A girl comes around and passes out a business card and a dime bag of weed to each moviegoer. Honest to god truth: Brenna and I don’t smoke and just save the smelly weed for another occasion because we both have a ton of shit to do tonight. The girl is also selling edibles for $10 a pop. This event straddles the line between official and totally unofficial and illegal. They had signs up saying to post pictures of the PBR and tag PBR’s twitter to get free stuff but also they are just handing out weed and selling edibles on some random roof. But weed in general has just become a legal grey area because technically it’s legal either recreationally or medically in some states but it’s still illegal federally and federal law supersedes state law. I feel like the government is confusing us enough to make money off us through both taxation ad legal penalties.

10:15pm: I can’t believe I haven’t seen Do the Right Thing before now. It is both serious and poignant without being heavy handed. To me it felt really honest. Throughout the course of the movie things escalate quickly and sometimes without expectation. I feel like this is what often happens in life. Things go from sunshine to thunderstorms in a few minutes. Also Samuel L Jackson is a DJ and one of the characters has a new bucket hat for every outfit. Go see it you haven’t if only for the bucket hats.

*I’m going to make a motivational cat poster for my stoner friends with this saying “Toke up after You’ve Set Up.”

**Have to be all-beef kosher. Pork hot dogs are sausages.

09.23.15 - Steak & Cheese

September 24, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

6:30pm: I stop into a wine store after work to pick up a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, Katie’s favorite. I never like to show up to a dinner empty handed. You should always ask the host what they would like you to bring and if they say nothing just bring a little something anyway. Being polite is very important. Millennials always get shit on for being inconsiderate. So defy expectations! Be better millennials. We can all do this together.

7:15pm: I arrive at Katie’s. Peter and Mason, Katie’s cousin, are already there. There is Brie, smoked Gouda and rosemary crackers out on the table. Katie pours me a glass of red wine. Have I arrived in heaven? I feel like my hosting skills have really rubbed off on her. The student becomes the master.

7:00pm: The bottle of Chianti we are drinking has a picture of a young renaissance boy looking mischievous. I feel like it must be stressful to design the logos for wine bottles. Most people buy their wine based about 10% on wine knowledge and 90% the label. I mean, I know slightly more about wine than the average 24 year old American girl, but if the store doesn’t carry any brands I know then I end up just picking one that “looks good.” Peter says his strategy for picking wine is to get the second cheapest one. Not a terrible strategy depending on how much you like the person you are buying it for...

7:30pm: The 5th guest at the dinner is the giant pile of Peter’s books. He’s staying with Katie in between apartments and there must over200 books next to us. Mostly history books with a sprinkling of historical fiction and philosophy. I find it admiral to have such a thirst for knowledge… but the dust! Books get so dusty. I hang on to a few books that I love; my first edition Harry Potter series, Disney War & The Power Broker but I don’t have space for all my books. I need space for important things… like my clothes. Also I am very allergic to dust. Clothes are washable; books are not.

8:00pm: Katie puts flank steak on the table. I love flank steak. It’s a very underappreciated cut of meat. It’s so delicious and easy to cook. I am a big fan of most red meat though. I mean I eat vegetarian and vegan all the time but sometimes I just want the bloody taste of a rare steak. I feel my body being revived when I eat steak. There was a two-week period where I thought I might be anemic because all I wanted to eat was steak. Turns out it wasn’t anemia I just love steak.

9:30pm: We don’t have anything for dessert so we just drink more and the rest of the cheese. Cheese is the best dessert ever. I feel very French and cultured when I eat cheese for dessert. Why would I want chocolate cake when I can have brie? Add some apples and honey make that a real cheese plate and you’ll be in heaven. I love making cheese plates.

9:40pm: Mason comes out with the last of his thin mints. He buys 20 boxes in march and saves them for the year. MASON FOR THE WIN! I feel so lucky, he decided to share the with us. Girl Scout cookies are so good. What are they even made out of? Crack? Probably crack. The same crack that they put in Red Bull and Cheez-its.

09.22.15 - Sometimes I don't go to Brooklyn; A Night in Manhattan.

September 23, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:00pm: Drinking Sancerre at my apartment with my NYC native and fellow wine lover, Exie. If you don’t drink Sancerre you should start. It’s the white wine that’ll make you like white wine. I literally found an WSJ article about why everyone likes it. It’s a really bangin sauvignon blanc grown in one specific region in France, Sancerre, located near the Loire Valley. It’s usually like $15+, so not an everyday wine, but sometimes you gotta treat yourself. I am in mourning for the end of summer. RIP summer. I am not ready for autumn. I like pumpkin muffins as much as the next person but they are not worth the price of cold weather. And realistically, pumpkin comes in a can guys, you know you can eat it anytime of the year… #nobasic

Pumpkin Spice lattes are just a pound of sugar and cinnamon everyone. You like them because a tall has 39 grams of sugar.

7:30pm: We meet up with Anne & Katie at the Mulberry Project in Little Italy. My friend Jose is the bartender there. Mulberry Project is known for their “bespoke” cocktails. Basically you tell the bartender what kind of base alcohol and what flavors you like (citrus, spice, berries) and they make you a cocktail. I can’t speak for any of the other bartenders but Jose is a booze wizard. His drinks are always on point. I ask for something with bourbon and he makes a blackberry bourbon slushy with angostura bitters. Yes please! My friend Anne wants a vodka soda and gets the nicest vodka soda ever: fresh mint, earl grey bitters, and fresh lemon.

Big fan of Mulberry Project, although it’s on the pricier side. The drinks are $15 each but they are always strong and delicious with fresh ingredients and top shelf liquor. Here you feel like you’re getting something for your money. Go Monday-Wednesday to see mix master Jose.

Jose & Anne at Mulberry Project. Photo courtesy of Katie Jagel.

9:30pm: Anne, Exie & I head to Uncle Boons, an upscale Thai restaurant in the Nolita. I have tried to go here three different times in the past year, but the wait has always been an hour. Even at 9:30 on a Tuesday there is a ten-minute wait. Luckily there are 3 seats at the bar. The décor is kitsch with a faux wood barrel with tiki men carved into it behind the bar. I order the Bolan because it’s the only bourbon/whiskey based cocktail on the menu. It’s Jasmine Tea Bourbon, Lemongrass and angostura bitter. Basically a Thai influenced old fashioned. It’s good, but super strong. I wasn’t trying to get turnt before dinner but OH WELL. What’s done is done and that is me…

9:40pm: For dinner, I order the Kai Yang Muay Thai, rotisserie chicken with green mango salad and sticky rice. The food arrives quickly. I am thankful, at this point I am ravenous. My chicken is moist and delicious. It’s sort of surprising how hard it is to find good chicken. Most restaurants overcook it till it tastes like Styrofoam with salt. I sample Exie’s and Anne’s dishes and they’re both delicious as well. I can see why this place always has a wait. The only thing that was underwhelming was the sticky rice because it was pretty bland and it came served in plastic. I know a lot of Asian restaurants serve it this way to keep in the moisture but I still find it off putting. Another negative- they don’ t have coconut sticky rice on the menu which is my absolute favorite. Like sticky rice is fine but coconut sticky rice is orgasmic. Have you eaten it? Eat it. You’ll rethink rice.

Rotisserie Chicken image from the Uncle Boon's Website.

10:50pm: We meet back up with Katie at Kingston Hall in the East Village. Kingston Hall, a Jamaican themed bar, is one of my favorite bars that happens to be above one of my least favorite bars, the 13th Step AKA bro city USA. Kingston Hall is a bit of little hidden because you have to walk up the second story. I liked Kingston Hall for three reasons.

They have a great 2 for 1 happy hour until 8pm on all Beer, Wine, & Well Drinks.
They have lots of nice booths to sit in.
The level of commitment to the decoration theme is on Disney World levels - super pretty in a slightly postcolonial decadent way.

Inside of Kingston Hall. Images from the Kingston Hall website.

Basically if I love a bar with a strong commitment to “theme” even if that “theme” is just dive bar. I want a place to be an escape, an experience. If I wanted to just drink alcohol I could do that at home. I just order water. The bartender looks like Thor. I commit to memory what day it is in hope he’ll be the next time I visit. HEY CHRIS HEMSWORTH.

11:00pm: We sit at a big booth with Katie, Peter, Peter’s South African friend Rob, Exie, Anne, and Mia. We get into a conversation about how Peter, the most English English person you’ll ever meet (like biscuits and tea levels of English), is actually “American.” He was born in the Colorado and his dad is American but he grew up mostly in the London, his mother is English. NYC is full of people who have dual citizen-ship or are internationals whose parents are European but grew up in Asia or vice-versa and I hate them. Not really but maybe a little. It’s one of those things that makes you immediately more interesting and also has so many perks but you literally did nothing!* Your parents just happened to marry foreign people or have cool jobs that put them abroad and you piggy backed on their interesting lives. I know that most of these people are perfectly nice and are actually very interesting on their own merit, but sometimes I just get a little jealous that I am just one boring nationality. Oh well, I guess I just need to look for some foreign people to marry or a job abroad so my kids can be immediately more interesting.

* Also speaking multiple languages because you learned them as an infant when your brain was a sponge and your neurons weren’t hardwired. Baby you did nothing!

09.21.15 - Burnt Out

September 23, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:00pm: Nothing. I do nothing tonight. Well actually I do laundry like 6 loads of laundry and watch Netflix. I do Netflix and chill done the right way; alone.

Feeling on Netflix expressed through Netflix Original Content Character

09.20.15 - All Day I Dream of Chips

September 23, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

6:00pm: Lauren, Caitlin & I arrive at the Brooklyn Mirage off the Jefferson L stop in Brooklyn for All Day I Dream of Summertime Blue with Lee Burridge. The line is around the block. There are two guys selling flower crowns for $15 dollars to the people in line. It is quite the scene. Lee Burridge is a staple at Burning Man, so there are always lots of burners, but this crowd is more diverse. There are lots of people who are probably actual models in glitter and white outfits. Everyone in line looks like they spent about 2 hours getting ready. I am wearing zero glitter; will they even let me in? The four people in line in front of us are wearing their Robot Heart sunglasses. We get it; you went to Burning Man.

The guy in front of us asks if his 3 friends can cut us in line. He said they are really “important” because they work for some music thing I no long remember the name of. I just roll my eyes. It’s easier to just say yes but come on guys. Libertarian value vs. Democratic values I guess.

Like Burning Man seems great but these are all the fucks I give that you went Bro.

6:45pm: We finally get in, a million hours later. I find my friend and ex-coworker Genevieve and her husband Matt. Gen is easy to spot in white overalls dancing on one of the light sculptures. The venue is beautiful with fresh flowers, an indoor harem looking space, and an outdoor stage pace with silk overhangs. There is a big outdoor terrace structure that reminds me of the set from Nickelodeons Legends of the Hidden Temple.

7:30pm: We are having trouble finding a place to dance. I went to this event earlier in the summer. There are 2 to 3 times the people here today. Not sure if it’s because it’s one of the last outdoor events of the year or because Burning Man just happened and all the burners want to keep that special feeling alive.

It’s too crowded and the vibe is bad though. People keep pushing in stark contrast to the psychedelic smooth electro music of Lee. I hate when people are so determined to have “fun” they become huge assholes and push you out of the way to get to the front of shows. Why aren’t you dancing? Why do you need to dance in the very very front? Lee is amazing as always though and we all dance and ignore the haters.

8:30pm: I run into my friend Rachel, who I knew from elementary school in NJ before I moved to Delaware at the age of 10. I have run into her 6 times in the last 6 months after not seeing her for 15 years. About half of those times have been at music events. I also ran into her the day before on the street in the East Village and on the subway. The universe wants us to be best friends for sure or she is stalking me. Probably the first one since she always seemed shocked to see me.

8:45pm: I remember I saved a bag of chips from lunch and break them out on the dance floor. I love chips and I rarely eat them so this is a big moment for me. Everyone looks at me, with their drinks in their hands like I am a huge weirdo. Sorry not sorry my day is currently better than yours guys.

9:30pm: I run into Danny. Let me assure you that this event has about 4000 people and the fact that I keep running into people I know is pretty strange. Especially since I ran into Danny on the train on Friday. I begin to question my psychic energy like AM I A WITCH? Like there is definitely something otherworldly about how often I randomly run into my friends, ex-boyfriends, enemies and co-workers in random places. I also have a photographic memory so if we have met once I will remember you, I might not remember your name but I will remember when, where and how we met. One time I recognized this girl I was in middle school All State Choir with on the street and she was freaked the fuck out.

10:30pm: The music ends. We want to keep dancing. We decide to go to Output.

11:00pm: We arrive at the Panther Room at Output, which is free on Sundays! There are very few people here. I love the Panther Room. There are about 6 disco balls, it’s free on Sundays, the DJs are always pretty solid and there normally aren’t many people. What more could a girl want? We continue to dance more.

11:30pm: Suddenly all of the Brooklyn Mirage is here complete with their glitter and heels. Caitlin gets hit on about 10 times. She’s very pretty but also just looks so nice. She is way too polite for NY. Like she does not have her bitch face down. She always talks to these yuckos. I help to fend off the guys because I have my bitch face down. BYE GUYS!

When we say bye to the boys on the dance floor

1:00am: We leave when the dance floor becomes too packed. Room to dance is key to a fun time at Output for me.

09.19.15 - Breakfast Meeting with Carl Craig

September 23, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

7:00pm: I head to Verboten Stage One in Williamsburg with Caitlin & Kiran to see Carl Craig. A brief stop at the First Aid tent to say hello to my friend Danny, who works for Verboten, turns into me running to two more friends randomly. Somehow I also seem to find people i know at music events. Do all my friend have the same music taste? Or does everyone stalk what I am doing on FB? The music is good but the event isn't very crowded probably because it's chilly and everyone would rather just see the the DJs at night at Verboten the club.

9:00pm: Kiran is invited to a rooftop party at a North Williamsburg apartment building with a fancy waterfront-view.

We arrive to the most Williamsburg apartment ever. There are record players, chalk paint walls, an antelope skull, Mexican blankets, twinkle lights. The whole apartment looks like the prototype for the Anthropologie Men’s line.

I drink rosé because there is only rosé or craft beer. They order pizza. It arrives and there is plain, kale and avocado. Avocado pizza and Kale pizza? So hipster! At this point I feel like we’re secretly in an episode of Portlandia.

10:00pm: We head to my friend Andrew’s karaoke-taco birthday party deep in Bushwick. This party is the opposite of the last party. Nothing is bespoke or curated. There is queso made from Velveeta. The cheese for the tacos is cheddar. They are delicious. There is no rosé in sight. Actually there is no wine, just cheap beer and Jim Beam. I drink Jim Beam with ginger-ale. I sing the Elton John part for Elton John’s & Kiki Dee’s “Don’t go Breaking My Heart,” with Andrew singing the Kiki Dee part. If you ever need a karaoke song, this one is a crowd pleaser… or if you don’t want a duet then anything Madonna will get people going.

1:00am: Arrive at an unmarked door for the 2nd Annual Level BBQ featuring Terekke, Marcos Cabral & Antenes. The space for the event has a main dance room, a lounge with a full kitchen and a roof featuring several murals. Apparently this is someone’s apartment and they lend it out for events because it’s such a cool space. That would explain the full kitchen. I love Terekke and we dance in the foggy small room.

5:00am: Go to meet my friend Danny who works as an EMT at Verboten at Verboten for the Stage One after party. The dance floor is still pretty packed at 5:00am. It’s the most random assortment of people. Everyone is still dancing pretty hard.

5:30am: 2/3 of the crowd has now left. I don’t understand why everyone could stay out till 5am but at 5:30am they decide, “oh boy, too late for me to be out now…”

Danny gets us beers. Everyone on the dance floor circles us like hawks wondering how and where we got beer. Two different people ask for me a sip. I say no and run away. GERM THEORY PEOPLE! If I could get you a beer I could but I don’ t want your strange lips on my drink.

Back away from the beer and no one gets hurt.

6:00am: Carl Craig goes on for the first time in the night. He’s sipping champagne from a flute at 6:00am. He is my hero. Can we be best friends?

He begins by playing funky electronic jams but then slowly fades into playing more disco inspired music and then reggaetone inspired music. Around 7:00am he plays Fleetwood Mac’s Dreams. The 15 people still up on the dance floor love it.

7:30am: The only people left on the dance floor are the people who work at verboten, the other DJ’s and two old ravers. We finally leave Verboten and see the sun.

09.18.15 - Robert Plant & The Queer Punk Band

September 22, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

8:00pm: The line to get into the Hammerstein Ballroom for Robert Plant stretches from 8th Avenue to 9th Avenue. More than half of the people are wearing Led Zeppelin T-Shirts. I never understood wearing a band shirt to see the band. Like do you feel like you need to prove you’re a fan? You’re already at the concert sir. I really don't understand the people who go to concerts or festivals buy t-shirts and then immediately wear them. Did you not bring enough clothes to wear? I guess it’s better than wearing a different band’s t-shirt to a show though.

Caitlin & I are some of the only people in line below the age of 40 besides actual children there with their parents. Considering how many of my friends listen to Led Zeppelin, I am very surprised. Maybe it’s because it’s only Robert Plant and not Led Zepellin?* Or because young people are cheap and the tickets were $65. The Hammerstein is an odd venue, the GA floor portion is not a huge area but the ceiling is massively high. It’s not a bad venue but not my favorite.

I mainly deducted 100 points because they threw away my gum when I entered. Since when is gum forbidden? I didn't know I had to hide my gum on the way in like it was a flask. You just cost me $1.50 sir! How will my breath be fresh for Robert?

This is man who looks like he appreciates some fresh breath

9:00pm: Robert Plant goes on. He’s pretty amazing. All the musicians by his side are silver foxes. Robert Plant’s voice sounds really amazing.

He doesn’t sound much different than on the original Led Zeppelin albums. You would think 40 years of being in a band and the crazy 70s rock star lifestyle would have taken a harder toll, but I guess he took care of himself. Maybe he drinks tea and neti pots? Why do Rolling Stone interviewers never ask anyone if they neti pot? These are things people want to know! The crowd has so much energy especially during “Whole Lotta Love”.

A sixty-year-old woman with a handmade crochet vest and long silver braids is dancing up a storm next to me with her braided hair man. They are adorable. I want to be her when I grow up.

11:00pm: After the concert Caitlin and I go to the Duane Reade across from the venue. We need a quick Redbull and a snack. Everyone else from the concert is buying beer. Let me tell you the Duane Reade by Penn Station is really popping on a Friday at 11pm. Could this be my new party place?

12:00am:We head to the Lower East Side to go to the Experimental Cocktail Club to meet up with my friend Kiran. Like many others in this neighborhood, this is an upscale speak-easy cocktail club. It’s beautifully decorated with low, bucket style, art deco chairs and oriental wallpaper.

Source: http://www.grandlifehotels.com/listing/experimental-cocktail-club/ — Source: http://www.grandlifehotels.com/listing/experimental-cocktail-club/

They actually had a pretty decent DJ playing too- playing some good LCD Soundsystem. However, the cocktails are pretty terrible and at $15 a pop that’s pretty disappointing. Now I will pay $15 for a great strong drink every once in a while but it better be delicious. I feel like I go to these places in the LES and the East Village all the time where the décor is beautiful but the drinks are terrible. Maybe because a large number of people who go out in this neighborhood are recent transplants to the city and they are more interested in looking interesting than actually being enjoyable. The drinks are just too complicated with too many weird ingredients that I think are supposed to make them unique but just make them super gross. Don’t they have someone taste test these who taste buds aren’t dead from cigarettes and Fernet?

Also when did everyone become obsessed with pisco and mezcal? I have never had pisco alone so I don’t know if it tastes gross or if all the cocktails people make with it are just disgusting. And don’t get me started on mezcal. Why do I want my tequila to taste like BBQ? I’ll just order some expensive bourbon neat next time at least I know what I’m paying for then.

2:00am: We take the J train to Silent Barn, independent artists collective/event space in Bushwick, my friend Arias is working the door there. Silent Barn consists of an outdoor courtyard with picnic tables and a small metal trailer, and an indoor room with a small stage. They have don't serve hard liquor but they cheap wine, beer & soju, my wine was $5. They also serve late night pesto pasta. We arrived late, so sadly we are only able to catch the end of the main act, PWR BTTM, A queer garage-punk band. The lead singer was sweating buckets in a sequin ball gown on the small stage as people danced wildly in the hot poorly ventilated room.

They ended the show with a song with the chorus “all I want to eat is carbs.” I think this may be my new favorite band.

*I feel like this is only quasi-legitimate reason though because Led Zeppelin as a unit doesn't exist anymore. Jimmy Page hasn't done a live show in the US since 2011 and there hasn't been a Led Zeppelin reunion show since 2007 and that was in London. So I would say in general for old older musicians just see who you see when you can see them because all these dudes are quite old so maybe being a purist waiting for the reunion tour isn't your best option?

09.12.15 - Camp Techno Part 2

September 19, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

1:00pm: Lauren and I go watch the 3 on 3 basketball tournament. I’m shocked how many people decided they were going to get up and play basketball after dancing all night. Shocked. Everyone is dressed in his or her finest Health Goth. Some people are actually really good.

Never once have I woken up from a long night of dancing and been like… yeah I totally wanna play some b-ball. I admire these people but I thought they must be mostly insane (or maybe still high?). Drake plays in the background and confirms my decision.

2:10pm: It starts to rain. Only a light drizzle at first but I know this is only the beginning. An announcement comes over the camp PA system*; the pool party has been canceled. I would have been more annoyed if the PA system announcement didn’t remind me exactly of Wet Hot American Summer*.I already have my bathing suit on, I am very sad. The pool aspect of the weekend was a big draw for me. Water dancing has always been a passion of mine. I literally used to create synchronized swimming routines in elementary school… because art school.

2:15pm: We decide it’s a good time to get lunch. The cafeteria is chaos. Everyone is hung over, hungry and not pleased that the food is delayed. It’s like people… this is your one job! Can someone please hire me to cater this next year? I am 95% sure I can do a better job. The cafeteria makes an announcement that they will need to take an hour break because they have run out of food. Luckily we are in line before the cut-off. It’s not like there are other food options for us since we are stranded here.

General look of people in the dining hall.

3:00pm: Since it is now pouring and going back to our tent doesn’t’t seem to be an option, we decide to start dancing. Blazer Sound System helps to ease the rain pain with their reggae influenced set. I’m closing my eyes and pretending I’m at the beach even though it’s still cold and pouring outside. The hall is not very crowded. I think most people are in their cabins. Just super jealous of the cabin people but they are missing out on some good dancing.

6:00pm: Beautiful Swimmers are on and more people arrive to dance. Their set is more reminiscent of a dance beach party in space. Lauren and I have just been in the hall dancing for the last 3 hours. Basically we have no other option; our tent is wet, we have no cabin and the cafeteria has run out of food. It’s sort of like the scene in Hocus Pocus where Bette Middler curses all the parents to just dance at the Halloween Party forever and they are all just super excited about it. We are pretty excited about it though. Beautiful Swimmers take our minds off the rain and more people venture out of their cabins to join the party.

7:30pm: There a break in the music. There was supposed to be a bonfire during this time but that was before the day turned into a monsoon. The first DJ isn’t scheduled to on 10pm. We go sit on the patio with the smokers and the tent people who have no other shelter. Lauren recognizes the logo on someone’s shirt. It’s a shirt from a place in Melbourne called Lounge. Lounge is famous for their monthly “Pleasure Planet” party that goes from 2am-12pm. It’s a rager. They bring out fruit platters in the morning. That is classy AF guys. She begins talking with the person in the shirt. He’s Australian. He’s from Melbourne. It turns out he and his buddy helped to start the event. They introduce us to 3 other Melbournians. We have found the Melbourne collective at Sustain-Release. Somehow there are always Australians at all the big happenings in the city. I feel like they are all living very cush wanderlust lives over here but I guess culturally if there are a 100 poisonous creatures that could kill you at anytime you might have a YOLO attitude too.

8:00pm: We rushed over to the dining hall, which had just reopened, to beat the maddening crowd for food. I finally cave and order the Mezze Plate with sausage mostly because I’m now starving from non-stop dancing and this is the biggest food option. Wit this kitchen’s track record, who knows when I will be able to eat again? All the food is super salty. I am pleased. Salt = my favorite food. I know it’s bad for you (in theory) but it just makes everything so delicious. I think I may have like an imbalance because sometimes I literally crave pickle or olive juice. Yummmmm. Drink that shit up.

8:20pm: I see Ben, a good friend of my good friend from NYU. He doesn’t have waterproof shoes or a rain jacket. It is still pouring. How can the clouds even hold so much water? Weather amazes me. I have like 4 rain ponchos at my tent & an umbrella because I am my father’s daughter and I needed to be super prepared. I offer to go get him a poncho because I feel really bad for him and the rainy night ahead. I am comfy in my Gortex rain jacket and waterproof Blundstone boots. I am very confident in my rain gear. I will be totally dry! Gortex!

8:45pm: I arrive at the dining hall with three plastic rain ponchos & my umbrella. I am soaked. Going to the tent was a terrible plan. Yes the Gortex worked to an extent but my jacket ended at my waist and everything below my waist and above my boots is soaked. I even think my rain jacket got a little wet. My survey of the tent was bleak. There was about 2 inches of water on the bottom of tent. Both sleeping bags were completely soaked through. No sleep till Brooklyn. Ben is very grateful for my pilgrimage and promises to repay the favor at some point.

9:30pm: We go to the Cantina, a small building across from the Main Stage. Technically we aren’t supposed to be in here but the Australians told us earlier that the back door was unlocked and fuck it the TENT PEOPLE NEED SOMEWHERE DRY TOO. SHELTER. There is even a clean bathroom. I have never been so excited for basic human necessities. Thanks Australians. Sadly the Australians start being super weird and taking lots of Ketamine. Why do Australians love ketamine? We politely pass on the ketamine and instead go to another corner of the room to take a nap.

10:45pm: My new best friend Lux Rec is playing. <3

2:00am: Terreke is playing. After he goes on, I realize we were sitting next to him an hour before on one of those foam children’s toys. I could have had two new DJ best friends. What a weekend! So many new friends!

3:00am: There is now the one and only (official) dance performance of the weekend. Arias knew the dancers and said I should see them because they were “cute.” FlucT go on and there is noticeable shift in the group energy. Their performance is so raw. I am mesmerized. They start off in Victorian period garb and strip down until they are mostly naked in tights and pasties. I felt like the performance art piece fit in perfectly with this conceptual weekend. Also Arias describing them a cute is like describing a Black Swan as "cute."

Image of FlucT performance fom their Instagram.

3:15am: Paula Temple starts to play deep deep heavy techno. There is heavy fog. I have never been to the Berghain but I feel like it would be a similar vibe… if the Berghain were a Jewish summer camp in Upstate NY and not in an old power-plant in Post Soviet Berlin.

5:30am: We pass the basketball court. It’s now lit up with UV light. It looks amazing! Pretty much like real-life Space Jam. Lauren & I make the bold decision to actually play basketball. So that’s a marketing lesson folks, if something is pretty enough I will want to do it. Lauren used to play B-ball in high school and immediately make a 3 pointer. I have never been athletic so this is a huge deal for me. Running on adrenaline and Red Bull I muster all available energy to make a basket as drunk and rolling people walk by staring at these feats of athleticism. I make not one, but two baskets! I feel super accomplished. Maybe I could do this all the time? Am I secretly athletic? Was I supposed to be Sporty Spice and not Posh Spice?

8:40am: After an almost five hour set, Anthony Parasole finally stops playing. It looks like everyone is still awake. I did see a lot of people pull out the coke round 7am that show some fierce commitment to dancing. This is a hardcore group of people. I took a hard pass on that one… But by now I guess the drugs have sort of worn off and everyone is losing steam. Most of the camp is sitting outside in the road.

9:00am: Lauren & I finally go back to the campsite to pack up and retrieve our soaked shit. As I pull my sleeping bag up the hill there is a trail of water. We laid out all our soaking belongings on picnic tables the porch of “our house” (the name we have lovingly given the Cantina). This was probably a futile effort but since I haven’t slept in 24 hours and all our shit is soaking wet I thought might as well give it a go. I know we looked insane but as tent people we had very few other options. One of the drugged up Australians bring his blanket outside and curls up to sleep next to all our shit on the picnic table.

9:30am: There is a bonfire ( more accurately campfire at the lake). The lake is beautiful, there are a few brave souls swimming. I wish I I had the desire to swim but after 12 hours of pouring rain all I want to be is dry. Someone puts lighter fluid on the fire and almost catches fire to the people downwind. Come on people who thought that was a good idea? Since no on has slept and many people are fucked up I leave before there is a terrible accident.

11:30am: We are first in the stand-by line for the bus home. Everyone looks thoroughly wrecked. No sleep at Sustain-Release.

11:40am: We get on the bus! Blessings! Lauren uses this as an opportunity to chide me about the benefits of being early for things. Maybe I will turn over a new leaf? But I love my old leaves so much so probably not.

*During the daylight the whole camp reminded me of Wet Hot American Summer. I thought maybe this is where they filmed the movie. Like I expected Bradley Cooper to come out of one of the cabins after a tryst with Michael Ian Black. One of the other “campers” said there are lots and lots of camps like this in upstate NY though and crushed my dreams.

**Also thinking back, it is weird that all the parents would be at this like one raging party on Halloween instead of hanging out with their kids. Everyone in Salem is a terrible parent. Like why aren’t you taking your kids trick or treating folks?

09.11.15 - Camp Techno Part 1

September 15, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

6:55pm: Lauren & I arrive via taxi at the shuttle bus stop in Bushwick* for Sustain-Release. According to their website: “Sustain-Release is an adventurous music weekend in upstate New York featuring shared cabins and camping for all participants, swimming pools, a lake, a bonfire, and forward-thinking music across two stages.”It’s basically a techno summer camp in the Catskills. This is only its second year. A few months ago Lauren read something about it online but the ticketing was for members only (attendees of last years festival) and the tickets were already sold out. Tickets were limited to 700 people. One of my best friends, Arias, who I have known for the last 15 years knew a lot of people going from working at the now defunct Body Actualized Center and 285 Kent. She was living in Miami at the time though so couldn't help us secure tickets but she had heard last year's event was beautiful. Two weeks ago, Lauren found someone selling their tickets and we made a last minute decision to go. Camp? Swimming pool? Dancing? So even though Lauren & I had been doing loads of stuff this year, both draining our bank accounts and our mental stamina reserves, we ultimately decided that this was too good to miss. I usually prioritize sleep and my own well-being last on my list of priorities. I believe I started using the phrase "I'll sleep when I'm dead" at the ripe age of 15.

7:00pm: Lauren sees Rachel, a girl who she went to Haverford College with, waiting in line for the bus. Considering Haverford is a very small college of about 1200 people and this festival is only about 700 people total it's pretty cool we've already run into someone Lauren knows. NYC can be a small world sometimes.

7:35pm: The bus arrived and we all load in. Looking around the crowd, I am glad I got the memo to wear black. There is no color in this crowd. Everyone always jokes that New Yorkers wear black all the time but this was some next level all black everything.

This A-Wang runway is very similar to the group aesthetic - white & grey are also acceptable. — This A-Wang runway is very similar to the group aesthetic - white & grey are also acceptable.

10:00pm: We arrive at Camp Lakota in the dark. Since we bought our tickets late and second-hand, we are camping while most people are staying in cabins. I was jealous of “the cabin people” before, but more jealous when I see the tiny adorable cabins in the camp. I contemplate claiming squatters rights and going into one of them, but instead I begrudgingly start to look for the camping area with Lauren, dragging our two sleeping bags, tent, and backpacks around the camp. I trip on the uneven ground but luckily I use my sleeping bag to break my fall. Having an old dance injury and weak ankles, I am used to falling so I usually fall quite gracefully. The other campers look at me with sad pity probably wondering if I am already drunk. Don't worry guys, I am just a spaz.

Walking around, this camp reminds me of a summer camp called Camp Arrowhead I went to one summer in Lewes, DE before my parents moved there rom NJ. I think they thought it would give me a jump-start on making friends. However, that was the summer I had Bells Palsy* (a temporary condition that paralyzes half your face) so half my face was numb and I looked like Two-Face from Batman. Needless to say 10-year-old girls are super mean and I had a terrible time.

No one wants to be friends with this guys at camp.

I hoped this camp experience would be better considering both sides of my face work and hungover University students weren’t in charge of my experience.

10:10pm: We found the camping space down a steep steep hill- lit only by Christmas lights in the trees. The camping site is a big field near two little baseball fields. The field was pitch black. Luckily the set-up isn’t too much of a struggle because I brought my trusty headlamp, a gift from my father for Bonnaroo. And by gift from my father I mean I asked him to buy me a flashlight and he bought me a solar powered flashlight, a tiny pocket flashlight, a headlamp, an electric lantern and extra batteries. It would seem my urge to hoard/over-shop is definitely genetic.

11:00pm: Now that our plush accommodations are all set-up, we decide to explore the camp and find the dining hall.

Everyone is fueling up on carb-heavy meals for a long night of boogying. Most of the menu, in typical Brooklyn fashion, is needlessly fancy recipes that are not very well executed; think cold Hunan noodles with peanut sauce & crunchy vegetables, or a lamb sausage sandwich on a pita. Lauren & I, being true foodies, both order grilled cheese and potato chips.

11:30pm: We hit the dance floor. The Main Stage is set up in Camp Lakota Social Hall. A big wooden building decorated with banners of past winners of camp games hanging from the walls.

Inspiration, Motivation & Participation also work well as the mantra for a Rave.

There is a stage at the end of the hall with an LED light wall behind it and pretty intricate lights accompanying the music. I assuming that Camp Lakota is not generally a camp for young ravers so the whole light system must have been set up especially for this event and it was pretty impressive. The bar set-up was pretty basic. They had warned us not bring outside alcohol so Lauren & I didn't bring any outside liquor. Not so much because we are sticklers for rules, but mostly because alcohol is heavy and we already had to lug all our camping gear. The drinks are pretty cheap though - $5 for beer or mixed drinks. Also the bartenders are generous to the point of the drink being totally disgusting. Our basically plastic cup filled with mostly cheap vodka and a splash of coke but I was drunk after 2 drinks so it was a trade-off.

12:00am: We wander over to the Bossa Stage, named after the event's partner Bossa Nova Civic club. Many of my friends who studied abroad in Berlin are obsessed with this place because they serve up Club Mate and techno jams in Bushwick. Club Mate is sort of the classy European version of Red Bull. For those who haven’t tasted it, it is basically bitter green tea soda. The bartender gives you a full bottle you drink about 1/5 of it and then they fill it with vodka. I order one, I don’t like the taste very much, but I also told my sister the first time I tried Red Bull when I was 14 that it "tasted like cancer" and now I drink it all the time, so I figure maybe the taste will grow on me eventually.

12:10am: Interplanetary Prophets are doing a live set. I am very impressed by the quality of the music so far. I know I made the right decision to come. We run into Lauren’s friend from college Andrew. He is working for the event. Another Haverford person? Is Haverford a breeding ground for techno lovers? Andrew & Lauren both majored in religion… All hail techno?

Found this photo in one of the halls. Maybe this is a camp for young ravers? Very similar aesthetic.

1:00am: We head back to the Main Stage to see Kassem Mosse but instead Black Maddona is playing. Apparently this was announced on FB, but I had my phone on airplane to save the battery for important things like pictures and snapchat. Black Madonna is bringing the jams though; she’s playing some really funky** tunes that have the whole social hall dancing. I end up running into Dylan,a guy who was in my freshman Presidential Scholars group at NYU. I haven't seen him in probably 4 years so it's a bit surreal running into him on the dance floor at an upstate summer camp. With him I find other NYU kids. NYU alumni & cockroaches; at every party in and around NYC.

2:15am: Back at the Bossa stage. The Bossa stage is set up in what looks like a small gymnasium. The inside of the building is all white. There are lights up behind the stage and all along the rafters, so the whole building becomes a dream space. People are sprawled out on foam tumbling equipment set up in the back of the room, which also conveniently doubles as little clouds perfect for that pre-late night disco nap.

3:30am: Kassem Mosse is now on at the main stage. Everyone is raging. I am pretty sure the Club Mate is already sold out. The stage room was full, but not too crowded to dance. The good thing about small events like this is that they usually attract a really positive crowd. I spoke outside with one of the DJs who would be playing the following evening. Somehow we got into a very intense discussion about the state of European politics, the Philadelphia techno scene, and our personal lives. He told me his whole life story including details on his daughter and his ex-wife. There are very few events where the artists mingle so freely with attendees. Throughout the festival I saw many of the artists dancing and taking part in camp activities. I felt really luck that we got tickets to this event. I’ve been to many many events, and this one still felt unique.

4:45am: Lauren & I decide to go to sleep. Most people are still awake and dancing but most people will be sleeping in comfy cabins tomorrow while we try to sleep on the cold hard ground. It is supposed to pour and the music goes until 8am tomorrow, so we figure we should get a good sleep now while our tent is still nice and dry.

*This area might technically now be called East Williamsburg but I refuse to call anywhere East Williamsburg because East Williamsburg does not exist. It’s a neighborhood real estate agents made up to sell expensive apartments in Bushwick.

** Although I can distinguish and appreciate the different types of electronic music I am still not the best at describing them. My highest praise is usually describing something as funky and/or dancey. I think I just FEEL the music too hard to describe the nuances of the sound.

09.10.15 - I Love/Hate NYFW

September 11, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

8:10pm: I left my apartment (late) to head to a New York Fashion Week event sponsored by Cointreau at The Garance Doré Café. The event (“Aperitif Soiree”) is one of those marketing events without a real purpose. Just like come and drink our liquor and post about it on instagram type of affair. They happen a lot in New York. I went to a pool party event at the Dream Hotel for Chandon last month. Usually you just sign up online or you get an email invitation and then your name gets put on the list. A few of my friends and I signed up. I am not sure how exactly this events actually help sell anything but I am not a marketing or advertising expert so I am sure someone thinks they are effective. Or maybe all the marketing people just really love throwing extravagant parties? They are usually pretty great: free alcohol, free food, swag, and live music. I I got a beach towel from the Chandon one. I had high hopes for this event.

8:15pm: Lauren texts me; they won’t let her in. They are claiming her name isn’t on the list but she has the confirmation email. They still won’t let her and her friend into the party. So… NYC can be a bitch sometimes about letting people into things. Places are small and sometimes exclusive. So it can either be they actually don’t have space or they just don’t like your face, your outfit, you’re not wearing heels etc. Lauren is a cute girl and she was with her other cute friend, Vicky, so I am not sure why they were denied. I assume it’s because of what they are wearing. New York Fashion Week officially started yesterday and never is anyone bitchier than during fashion week. I am going to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that works at fashion week events that they are being big bitches because they are overworked, unpaid and probably starving themselves. I know the routine having lived in NY for 12 fashion weeks. Basically if you wear something trendy & black, lipstick and heels you’re fine. You should seem wealthy and confident. The attitude you’re going for is: I don’t NEED to go this party, I don’t actually give a fuck about going to this party, and they should be lucky I deigned to come to this. Usually I really dislike this game, I don’t like to go to clubs where I have to wear heels and I hate being rejected but for free things and fashion week I will play the game.

Everyone thinks they are important during NYFW but only Anna Wintour can judge me.

8:25pm: I haven’t heard from Katie yet who is supposed to meet me at the event. Katie - remember the one who is early for everything? Well she frantically calls me; she has been stuck underground for an hour and half and has taken 4 different trains. She is now still across town in the east village because she didn’t want to take yet another train. She’s walking to the event but she didn’t bring an umbrella and its pouring rain. She’s soaked. So the evening hasn’t even begun and it’s a bit of a disaster. I am still hopeful we will get into the event; the wet look is still in right?

8:35pm: I finally arrive at the event. Katie shows up soon. It’s hard to notice she’s completely soaked except that her face and hair are dripping. Her lipstick still looks perfect though so I think we’re good. The bouncer informs us the event is at capacity and its one in one out. We have one other friend Julie who arrived on time and got into the event without an issue. She’s inside. I am not surprised Julie got into the event. She’s one of those girls who is crazy beautiful. She has huge pale green eyes and long shiny light blonde hair and perfect porcelain skin. She also works for a luxury make-up brand so she’s always wearing the best lipstick and black.

Those of us who are less genetically blessed are now waiting outside in the rain. I would probably hate her a little if she wasn’t so sweet and Midwestern like a baby deer.

8:37pm: A woman in all black comes outside and informs us in her fakest nice voice that she’s “so sorry” and the event is full – which the bouncer has already told us but thanks. We tell her we’re waiting for our friend whose inside and she gives us a doubtful look and asks us to move. Two model types try to get in but they are rejected. So I feel pretty confident now that it’s nothing personal and the event is just full. The bouncer is now informed that it’s not one in one out and they just aren’t going to let anyone in because they are way over capacity. Katie is super annoyed now that she traveled so long and is so wet and we aren’t getting free things. At this point, she just wants to drink. So I offer to buy her shots and we walk to literally the closest bar, which I had passed on my walk here, the one block down.

8:40pm: Sadly this bar, Lazy Point, looks like its closed for a private NYFW event. We are annoyed but the bouncer must have seen the desperation in our guys because he ushered us into the bar anyways. I realize once we’re inside that this is just another NYFW event with free shit. Score. The bartender, Eric, pours us all shots. Tequila, no salt no lime. I think my taste buds have definitely started to die from drinking and spicy food. I can now basically drink anything straight. I order us two palmoas; big week for palomas. These have lavender syrup, which I don’t think added much but its NYFW so they have to be extra snobby palomas. Eric is my new favorite person at this point. He makes us a special drink:

Eric's Special NYFW Cocktail

· 5 parts tequila

· 1 part ice

· Fancy stirrer

There is a reggae band playing in the background and the bar is beach themed. This is literally paradise right now. Katie is like, I’ll get the drinks you get the shots. Sometimes she isn’t paying close attention. She didn’t notice the big brand banner for Edie Parker or the printed cocktail list menus with the sponsors or the bouncer literally telling us this was a NYFW event. “Uh Katie this is all free – duh,” I tell her. She’s amazed. Sometimes NY is magical and when your original plan falls apart you stumble into something better. Thank you Edie Parker and sympathetic bouncers.

9:30pm: We are now living the sweet life on free drinks. Dancing with the reggae band. Pretty much everyone has left except the waitstaff and the event organizers. I make best friends with the bouncer, Steven and of course the bartender Eric. Julie finally meets us but only after only after networking with the owner of the Garance Doré Café at the other event (being beautiful is so hard). The kitchen brings up sliders for the bartenders; my BFF Eric offers them to us too. Katie & Julie eat like four because they haven’t eaten dinner. Seeing the sad hungry girls, the kitchen brings up mini lobster rolls and mini avocado toast for us. We are now beyond happy. I don’t know why but free food just makes me so happy. Free things in general just make me super happy. I think its because NY is so expensive so when things are free I just take like everything possible within reason. Remember how I said I took a towel from the Chandon event? Well I actually took a towel, 2 plastic Chandon glasses, a beach bowl & sunglasses home from the Chandon event. I occasionally think I might be a hoarder but is it really hoarding if all your things are super nice? Is it? Well since I am still debating; I took the drink stirrers home. They were just too cute!

Maybe I learned hoarding from this? #allofthethings

10:00pm: We leave the event. Katie & Julie head home they are exhausted. I get in a cab to meet up with Lauren. Her & her friend Vicky went to dinner at Boqueria, a tapas* restaurant, after they were denied from the event. They just left and are now headed to The Australian, a bar in midtown.

10:20pm: I used to work in midtown and somehow every bar in midtown looks exactly the same even though they all have different “themes.” They all are like weirdly narrow with a ton of tables and 7 or 8 plasma big screen playing sports. There are always like way too many decorations displaying the theme. It’s like there are secret interior-design zoning restrictions for this area and every bar has to super cheezy. This bar is Australian themed so they have lots of kangaroo decorations and Tim Tams for sale. I am a little confused why Lauren picked this bar since she just returned from actual Australia and her Australian friend Katie has just joined us. I am then introduced to the bartender Chelsea, Lauren’s friend. The world makes sense again. She’s so lovely and also gives us our drinks at huge discount or for free. I have spent like $5 total now on drinks & food for the evening. AMAZING. Also Lauren & Vicky look super cute and are wearing all black so I don’t know what the Cointreau girl’s damage was. I am sort of miffed because I go to free sponsored events a lot and they usually are pretty straightforward. If you RSVPed and they aren’t at capacity then you get in. If it was supposed to be an “exclusive” event you shouldn’t have an open online RSVP. Don’t front Cointreau. I decide Cointreau just has a chip on its shoulder because everyone like Grand Marnier better and they fucking know it. No one makes margaritas with you and no one cares about you because you’re an aperitif guys.

12:10pm: Chelsea offers us a shot for the road and we accept. I don’t need another drink but…it’s free. As I stated before I have such a hard time refusing free things. Bartenders think they are being nice by giving you shots but it usually it just kills you later. Like I actually think some of my bartender friends are trying to kill me with how much alcohol they want to give me. Knowing this I still accept the shot because I am tipsy so I think this is a super excellent idea! More free tequila! **

12:11pm: And so my night ended how it began doing shots of free tequila with no salt and no lime; a NYFW miracle.

*I hate tapas restaurants. You spend like a million dollars, you’re still hungry and everything is fried. I mean I like prosciutto as much as the next gal but it’s so expensive. Like you’re not even cooking it anything why is this $15 for 3 small pieces? Furthermore I don’t always want to share with everyone. I feel like not everyone is super clear about germ theory and how it works. Why does everyone want to “share”? This is why like 95% of the populations have oral herpes guys. I think the 3 leading causes of spreading the virus are kissing, sharing and tapas, in that order.

** I can now tell you this was a horrible idea and sunlight is too bright this morning.

09.09.15 - White Girl Rosé, Trader Joe's & The Food Network AKA Things White People Like

September 10, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

6:10pm: I arrive at Trader Joe’s in Union Square. Usually for a big dinner, I like to get the groceries a day or two before but unfortunately I had been too busy earlier in the week so I left grocery shopping till the last minute. I am also late getting to the grocery store because of work and life so basically, I am completely off schedule for this planned dinner party of 9 that starts at 7:30pm that I am hosting. I plan the menu accordingly and get things I can cook rather quickly and buy some appetizers. People really only need wine & bread to survive.* I think this obsession with hosting dinners started in middle school when I organized a mostly historically accurate menu for a“last dinner on the titanic” party for my 8th grade class. I literally have no recollection why this was something my grade was doing or who thought of this event but I went to a really weird arts school in rural Delaware and we did totally random nonsense all the time. What teacher today says to themselves, “sure let’s let 13 year olds organize a fancy themed dinner (which we eat during lunch time) and then let them see who can hold their hand in a bucket of freezing ice water the longest…it’s educational!” ? But I guess I did learn important life skills like make a Bûche De Noël from scratch and that white bread was only for the upper class.

6:11pm: Grocery shopping in the city is extra stressful because you also have to schlep everything back to your apartment. I really miss having a car. The Trader Joe’s in Union Square is intense; its super small. There is always a line out the door & the clientele ranges from neurotic to insane. If you are actually going to the grocery store yourself (not ordering seamless) and you went to Trader Joe’s you probably really want to save some money. People who go out of their way to save money in small amounts are usually a bit eccentric, which is a nice word for batshit crazy, like couponers, or the people who buy storage sheds to make money. Also 6:00pm-7:00pm is the worst time to go grocery shopping because it’s the people who just got off work, are hungry, are probably gonna have to cook these groceries for dinner tonight and are just pissed off at the world. I see people all the time walk into this Trader Joe’s, see the place, and then with horror, just turn and walk out. NYC is the only place, besides maybe communist Russia and a dystopian future where people would wait in line to GET INTO a grocery store. However, since I want/need to save money, I become one of the crazy people in the store. But like bananas are 19 cents guys!?! So worth it.

6:30pm: Finally, I get in line, which, at this point, stretches all the way to the door.

6:40pm: My friend Katie calls me as I am at the cash register. Katie is my friend who is always like 10 minutes early to everything. It’s super annoying especially as someone who is always 10-15 minutes late to most things (like a regular 24 year old). So she calls me to inform me she’s on 3rd & 18th walking to my apartment. For once, her pseudo-punctuality is actually super helpful because she’s close to Trader Joe’s & I convince her to come help me schlep. Blessing: human pack mules.

7:05pm: We arrive back at my apartment drenched in sweat.

7:20pm: I clean the table, put on a tablecloth and put out fresh flowers. Fresh flowers make everything look fancy AF. My sister, Gabby’s, boyfriend Chris helps me because he is a fine southern gentlemen and also probably because I scare him. Fresh flowers are an extravagance since they are useless, expensive, and they die in like a 3 days. BUT I love them… and these are from Trader Joe’s so they were only $5 for each bouquet because Trader Joe’s is a magical vertically integrated paradise and I take back every bad thing I said about it earlier!!!

7:21pm: Lauren, a friend of mine who just moved back to the USA from Australia, arrives early. Is this an Australian thing? When did I become friends with all these punctual people? What am I doing wrong? Are we all adults now or something? Lauren brings White Girl Rosé. If you buy this wine you are either making fun of yourself or making fun of the person you’re giving it to, but it’s actually pretty decent wine so I like it. It’s sort of like wine with a bonus joke. Its presence also started some political discussions about casual racism so it’s a conversation piece as well.

7:30:pm: Peter (Katie’s BF) arrives with two bottle of wine. He’s British so I think he’s just being extra polite. He does confess that they are from TJ’s wine store though, so they were probably under $10. DID I NOT MENTION TJ ALSO HAS A CHEAP WINE STORE? I literally I love this place.

The prices start at $3 so $6 is fancy. Over $10 is slap a bow on it gift quality.

7:31pm: I set out olives, sliced ciabatta, eggplant dip & red pepper dip. I put the dips in small bowls and topped them with pinenuts & red chili flakes respectively.

Trick #1: Olives are the easiest appetizer ever, you literally do nothing but put them in a bowl and then bam you’re a fancy Italian restaurant. Trick #2: if you put anything in a dish and sprinkle something on top of it people assume you made it. However, my pride in trickery conflicts with the silliness of lying about dip, so when someone asks me if I made it, I tell her the truth. I would prefer to just lie about really crucial things.

7:32pm: Alexander, arguably my fanciest friend, arrives with a type of red wine I literally have never even heard of. I drink Sancerre on the reg so I know some fancy wines. You can always count on him to bring something really nice and then be like “eh it’s probably okay, but not as good as the fine Shiraz I had last night. It’ll just have to do.” Not even in a humble brag way, he is just being totally sincere. He’s very sincerely fancy; he’s European.

Alexander drinking other people's inferior wine.

7:35pm: 6/8 of my guests have now arrived. (WHY IS EVERYONE ON TIME? - this literally never happens) My friend Helena arrives excited, “guess what I brought?” We all already know… it’s White Girl Rosé. So now two people have brought me White Girl Rosé and I have to ask myself a few hard questions like: “am I super white?” “Is everyone giving this to me ironically? or “do they think that at my core this is the best wine for me.” White Girl Rosé: bonus joke, conversation piece, provoker of transcendent identity thoughts…

7:49: My friend Sara arrives late. Thank god someone is normal and decent and late.

8:00pm: Since my schedule was delayed I spent more time in the kitchen than is ideal for a dinner party. For entertaining it is best to have everything prepped in advance so you don’t have to spend a ton of time in the kitchen. Also best to cook things you can set and forget. Things like roast chicken, lasagna or other oven dishes. However, using the oven when its 90 degrees out is ungodly. So I choose my other favorite large dinner meal: pasta. Pasta is amazing. It’s a $1 per pound and delicious.

The Menu:

· Arugula Salad with shaved parmesan, pinenuts, & homemade lemon vinaigrette · Fusilli with fresh pesto**, sautéed asparagus, shrimp, and fresh cherry tomatoes. · Ice Cream from Morgenstern’s Finest Ice Cream– brought by my lovely friend Sara

I used frozen shrimp for the following reasons: pre-cooked, cleaned, cheaper, and they are all that TJs sells. The only things that I actually “cooked” are the asparagus & and the pasta (I just defrosted the shrimp using the heat from the pasta). I like to use shortcuts for cooking when they yield similar results as the hard way. I basically combine Rachel Ray’s manic energy with Sandra Lee’s philosophies on cheating, with Ina Garten Hamptons hosting skills and then just say “BAM!” a bunch. The best tip I have ever gotten from the Food Network are from Rachel Ray (she can’t cook and her recipes are always sort of gross but bitch is efficient with her resources). She uses a bowl for trash while you’re cooking but I evolved the idea and I just use a plastic shopping bag on the counter for all the trash while I am cooking so then I just throw that out when I am done. BAM!

8:20pm: Making pesto. I was going to give the recipe for this pesto, but then I realized I didn’t use a recipe and I don’t know any of the actual amounts of things I used. I am an old, Italian grandma mad scientist at heart and stomach. I only use recipes for baking (which is science) and everything else I just sort of eyeball. Or my personal favorite- I find a recipe for “guidelines” then sort of totally ignore it because I can’t be bothered to measure things. So this is the recipe.

Clean two bushels of basil
Put Basil in your food processor, it should basically fill it
Add enough grated parmesan
Add handful of pinenuts
Add around 5-7 peeled cloves of garlic
Sprinkle on some grated pepper & kosher salt
Pour some olive oil on top
Blend
Look at it. Does it look like pesto? If not add what you think it needs from your experience with pesto.
Taste it. Does it look like pesto? If not add what you think it needs from your experience with pesto.
Blend again.
Taste – Repeat steps 8-10 as necessary.
BAM! Pesto done.

I know this isn’t very helpful, but if all else fails find a more specific recipe. Or just do what the other millennials do and buy blue apron.

Measuring things takes up precious drinking time. Martha gets me.

8:30pm: Dinner is served. Everyone is pleased. Arugula is the same price as regular spring mix but it feels fancier. Peter was like oh “rocket” (British word for arugula). Peter & Lauren have been using British slang all night like “keen” and “cringe” “reckon.” I reckon it’s a bit cringe for most, but I watch BBC America so I am used to it.

I serve the pasta with romano & parmesan because romano is way better on pasta than parmesan but America loves parmesan for some reason. Romano 4 life guys.

Finished product. Fusilli grabs the pesto.

9:00pm: I keep calling Gabby (my sister, for those of you keeping track) bae. Alexander informs me that Bae (probably spelled differently) means poop in Danish. Alexander: Danish, fancy & a dream crusher. But I don’t speak Danish so I am just going to keep using it, BAE.

10:15pm: ICE CREAM. Lovely Sara has brought very fancy ice cream; the flavors were salted chocolate & green tea. I just have the salted chocolate because I think green tea flavored desserts are disgusting. I actually think green tea is pretty gross in general. I drink it because it’s supposed to be healthy, but I would much rather have some nice Earl Grey or a Diet Coke. The salted chocolate is melting faster and then my sister proposes is it because it has salt in it? And she blows our minds: with SCIENCE!

11:00pm: Everyone leaves. There are millions of dishes. I hate doing dishes. I love my apartment but it doesn’t have a dishwasher.

If you have a dishwasher in the city it’s a huge deal. If you have a washer or a dryer in your apartment (not the building like your actual apartment) you’re the 1%. Like these are luxuries in NY, the things that almost everyone else in America has. Luckily my sister Gabby is an obsessive cleaner and usually manically does all the dishes like Monica Gellar on coke but since her BF is in town I feel a little bad about sticking her with the mess. So can someone else come do these? But like can someone actually come and do all these dishes? Please. Thanks. BAM!

*My new cookbook will be out soon Dinner for Capitalists: How to Placate the Proletariat

** I was going to cheat and just buy pesto, because I was short on time, but then TJ’s was out of fucking pesto so I HAD to make it. Fuck you TJ’s (JK I LOVE YOU DON’T BE MAD BAE).

09.08.15 - Taye Diggs is a Beautiful Man/Woman/Person

September 09, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

6:20pm: Arrive at the Belasco Theatre to put my name into the Hedwig & the Angry Inch Ticket Lottery. Probably the silliest lottery ever because you basically win the privilege to still pay money (but a lot less money $37 vs. $150) for tickets they haven’t sold yet. So having lived in NYC for 6 years, I have entered many ticket “lotteries” and I have literally never ever won. Not even once. I have gone to shows with lotto tickets before, but only because my friends have won 2 tickets. I have never won. Maybe I am not praying to the right Broadways gods? Papa can you hear me? There are only like 15 people outside the theatre though so I am feeling pretty confident.

Screen Shot 2015-09-08 at 1.38.20 AM.png

6:29pm: Suddenly, in typical NY fashion, there are now like 60 people outside the theatre entering the lotto. Where did these people possibly come from? WHERE?!

6:30pm: Luckily I am with my friend Mia, who is not currently cursed by the “no lotto ticket jinx “and her name is drawn. Praise Mia. I think her love for Taye Diggs overpowered my bad luck. Yes!

6:37pm: A high-pitched whiny blonde girl informs me that I am not allowed to wait in the lobby while Mia buys tickets. A silly rule but I go outside because it’s better than listening to her speak. Outside there are the other +1s of the winners.

I will just state right now that I was/am a theatre person – more specifically a musical theatre person. I went to two musical theatre camps in high school, I know every lyric to the soundtrack of Les Mis (including the full version of “Little People”), I have character shoes in tan & black (Capezio t-straps) – but I have a little, not so secret, secret - I never liked other musical theatre people. They irk me. They are too cheerful and awkward. They always want to do like sing-alongs in public (no one cares guys) and want to be your best friend (but not actually…) but also they want to kill you (because you got “their part”) and think you’re fat in your jazz pants (everyone looks fat in jazz pants guys).

6:38PM: So basically everyone outside is the MOST typical musical theatre person ever. Like the type of people who you think don’t actually exist in this extreme state…but they do. Comically MT people; like Ryan Murphy & Lea Michelle’s fat love children, who high on life, after listening to Sondheim for the first time. And… I can’t even. I do feel a little mean and sad for hating them so much. Maybe I hate myself a little for not ever having that enthusiasm? Or do I hate myself for hating them? And then Mia comes outside and I can even again.

6:45pm: We go to Mexicue for dinner. This is one of the two not fancy restaurants, I know, near Times Square (the other being Shake Shack) that has good food. I get a Paloma to start. It is pretty exceptional with the addition of hibiscus flowers and a little chili simple syrup. Mexicue is fusion Mexican BBQ place and for some reason almost every dish has brussels sprouts in it. I got the kale & quinoa salad (which has Brussels sprouts in it) with burnt-ends chili. My favorite way to eat kale is totally covered in brisket.

7:45pm: It’s the last week for this show so a lot of people are die hard fans who have seen it multiple times. The staff seems grumpy but wouldn’t you be grumpy if you were an usher? Has anyone ever dreamed of being an usher?*

Snapped this bad boy without the ushers seeing though.

8:00pm Taye Diggs is lowered from the ceiling in a super crazy alien David Bowie sparkly outfit, which he immediately strips off. I am entranced. He’s a beautiful man and very much a man even in his short mini skirt and heels. There is nothing femme about Taye Diggs but he plays an excellent sassy Hedwig nonetheless. I have not seen the movie nor the previous stars on Broadway so I have no comparison. He’s a great performer but throughout the show I keep thinking; what was Neil Patrick Harris or John Cameron Mitchell like in this part? As part of the show Diggs makes topical jokes, ad-libs and puns. He makes a Frozen joke and the crowd goes wild; a mild dig at his ex-wife Idina Menzel but Frozen came out two years ago guys. Can Frozen be over now? Or at least can we put it on hold till Frozen two? Can we just let it go already?**

9:45pm: The cast takes their bows I am staring at Taye Diggs mostly naked body covered in glitter. I shouldn’t really be surprised but I am surprised how much I was turned on by the glitter. Maybe I am just attracted to shiny things?

10:15pm: I get off the subway and sing varying show-tunes very loudly as they pop into my head on my walk home through Stuy Town because inside I am probably the annoying musical theatre people I hate. I kept singing though because IN THE DARKNESS THE TREES ARE FULL OF STARLIGHT guys.

*Though I think plenty of people have dreamed of Usher - am I right ladies?

**This is very similar to the joke Taye Diggs made so maybe Frozen jokes are still funny.

09.07.15 - Alexander Skarsgård, the Bike Assassin & The Rattlesnake

September 08, 2015 by Nicole Nadig

8:00pm: I went to see A Diary of a Teenage Girl at the Williamsburg Cinema. A 15 yr old artsy girl, Minnie, (Bel Powley) living in San Fran in 1976 loses her virginity to her mother’s boyfriend (Alexander Skarsgård). The mother (Kristen Wiig) is a terrible mom and casually does coke all the time, one time with her daughter. I feel like every movie set in the 70s has a ton of casual coke everywhere. Can someone who was of casual-coke-doing-age in the 70s please let me know if this was actually the case? Bel Powley, 23, is basically my age but looks 15 in this movie. Is it the Betty Page bangs? Should I get bangs for a youthful glow? Is it actually casual coke glow? I also left the movie feeling a bit like a creep because I wasn’t that grossed out by her having sex with A-Skar. Maybe it’s just hard to make someone that beautiful the villain? Good movie to see if you want to be reminded that sex in your teenage years is both awkward and thrilling. Also a gentle reminder that the 70s were a pre-AIDS, post free love, coke fueled, orgy with bell-bottoms.

10pm: After the movie, while waiting just off the side walk in the street, waiting to cross, a bike pizza delivery man comes speeding down the road - sees me & my sister- and proceeds to drive directly into us, stopping about a foot short of hitting us. We are both freaked out and pissed off because at the time there were no cars on the road. The whole road is clear, so yes we were in the street but the whole street was empty. It was one of the more bizarre things that have happened to me in the city in a while. I can only assume he was bored, or a psycho or was just so entranced by our beauty that he needed to run us over. Was he a secret bike assassin sent to murder us but he failed? We yelled a big “fuck you” to him as he brought the pizza to someone (who is probably dead now because he ran her over with his bike). This incident reaffirms my belief that bicyclists in NY are both a terror to pedestrians and drivers because they don’t follow any fucking traffic rules.

It was cross between this and that super creepy fucker who follows you around the bar - i.e. my worst fucking nightmare.

10:20pm: So naturally we had to ease our nerves after the trauma so we went to Hotel Delmano, a fancy ethereal cocktail bar in North Williamsburg. I like this bar because they have lots of seating both indoor and outdoor seating for warm nights. Sometimes you just need to sit & drink Most of their cocktail menu is gin or vodka based cocktails but they have a few interesting brown based options. I ordered the Rattlesnake - a rye based cocktail made with absinthe and egg whites - light and refreshing without being too sweet. My sister had Gentle Julep – also a rye base with mint and citrus. We each had 3 cocktails– did I mention the stress of the bike assassin?

11:45pm: Ended the night at Vinnie’s Pizzeria on Bedford. I love Vinnie’s –interesting toppings combinations and consistent quality. Also they have a totally RAD robot hanging from the ceiling for added whimsy and 90s nostalgia. Also a plethora of vegan slices because its Williamsburg and being Williamsburg. I had the Meat the Parents – sausage, pepperoni, bacon & extra mozzarella & a root beer. Both were delicious.

Drunk you will want this pizza. Sober you will also want this pizza but sober you probably cares about your health.