8:10pm: I left my apartment (late) to head to a New York Fashion Week event sponsored by Cointreau at The Garance Doré Café. The event (“Aperitif Soiree”) is one of those marketing events without a real purpose. Just like come and drink our liquor and post about it on instagram type of affair. They happen a lot in New York. I went to a pool party event at the Dream Hotel for Chandon last month. Usually you just sign up online or you get an email invitation and then your name gets put on the list. A few of my friends and I signed up. I am not sure how exactly this events actually help sell anything but I am not a marketing or advertising expert so I am sure someone thinks they are effective. Or maybe all the marketing people just really love throwing extravagant parties? They are usually pretty great: free alcohol, free food, swag, and live music. I I got a beach towel from the Chandon one. I had high hopes for this event.

8:15pm: Lauren texts me; they won’t let her in. They are claiming her name isn’t on the list but she has the confirmation email. They still won’t let her and her friend into the party. So… NYC can be a bitch sometimes about letting people into things. Places are small and sometimes exclusive. So it can either be they actually don’t have space or they just don’t like your face, your outfit, you’re not wearing heels etc. Lauren is a cute girl and she was with her other cute friend, Vicky, so I am not sure why they were denied. I assume it’s because of what they are wearing. New York Fashion Week officially started yesterday and never is anyone bitchier than during fashion week. I am going to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that works at fashion week events that they are being big bitches because they are overworked, unpaid and probably starving themselves. I know the routine having lived in NY for 12 fashion weeks. Basically if you wear something trendy & black, lipstick and heels you’re fine. You should seem wealthy and confident. The attitude you’re going for is: I don’t NEED to go this party, I don’t actually give a fuck about going to this party, and they should be lucky I deigned to come to this. Usually I really dislike this game, I don’t like to go to clubs where I have to wear heels and I hate being rejected but for free things and fashion week I will play the game.

Everyone thinks they are important during NYFW but only Anna Wintour can judge me.

8:25pm: I haven’t heard from Katie yet who is supposed to meet me at the event. Katie - remember the one who is early for everything? Well she frantically calls me; she has been stuck underground for an hour and half and has taken 4 different trains. She is now still across town in the east village because she didn’t want to take yet another train. She’s walking to the event but she didn’t bring an umbrella and its pouring rain. She’s soaked. So the evening hasn’t even begun and it’s a bit of a disaster. I am still hopeful we will get into the event; the wet look is still in right?

8:35pm: I finally arrive at the event. Katie shows up soon. It’s hard to notice she’s completely soaked except that her face and hair are dripping. Her lipstick still looks perfect though so I think we’re good. The bouncer informs us the event is at capacity and its one in one out. We have one other friend Julie who arrived on time and got into the event without an issue. She’s inside. I am not surprised Julie got into the event. She’s one of those girls who is crazy beautiful. She has huge pale green eyes and long shiny light blonde hair and perfect porcelain skin. She also works for a luxury make-up brand so she’s always wearing the best lipstick and black.

Those of us who are less genetically blessed are now waiting outside in the rain. I would probably hate her a little if she wasn’t so sweet and Midwestern like a baby deer.

8:37pm: A woman in all black comes outside and informs us in her fakest nice voice that she’s “so sorry” and the event is full – which the bouncer has already told us but thanks. We tell her we’re waiting for our friend whose inside and she gives us a doubtful look and asks us to move. Two model types try to get in but they are rejected. So I feel pretty confident now that it’s nothing personal and the event is just full. The bouncer is now informed that it’s not one in one out and they just aren’t going to let anyone in because they are way over capacity. Katie is super annoyed now that she traveled so long and is so wet and we aren’t getting free things. At this point, she just wants to drink. So I offer to buy her shots and we walk to literally the closest bar, which I had passed on my walk here, the one block down.

8:40pm: Sadly this bar, Lazy Point, looks like its closed for a private NYFW event. We are annoyed but the bouncer must have seen the desperation in our guys because he ushered us into the bar anyways. I realize once we’re inside that this is just another NYFW event with free shit. Score. The bartender, Eric, pours us all shots. Tequila, no salt no lime. I think my taste buds have definitely started to die from drinking and spicy food. I can now basically drink anything straight. I order us two palmoas; big week for palomas. These have lavender syrup, which I don’t think added much but its NYFW so they have to be extra snobby palomas. Eric is my new favorite person at this point. He makes us a special drink:

Eric's Special NYFW Cocktail

· 5 parts tequila

· 1 part ice

· Fancy stirrer

There is a reggae band playing in the background and the bar is beach themed. This is literally paradise right now. Katie is like, I’ll get the drinks you get the shots. Sometimes she isn’t paying close attention. She didn’t notice the big brand banner for Edie Parker or the printed cocktail list menus with the sponsors or the bouncer literally telling us this was a NYFW event. “Uh Katie this is all free – duh,” I tell her. She’s amazed. Sometimes NY is magical and when your original plan falls apart you stumble into something better. Thank you Edie Parker and sympathetic bouncers.

9:30pm: We are now living the sweet life on free drinks. Dancing with the reggae band. Pretty much everyone has left except the waitstaff and the event organizers. I make best friends with the bouncer, Steven and of course the bartender Eric. Julie finally meets us but only after only after networking with the owner of the Garance Doré Café at the other event (being beautiful is so hard). The kitchen brings up sliders for the bartenders; my BFF Eric offers them to us too. Katie & Julie eat like four because they haven’t eaten dinner. Seeing the sad hungry girls, the kitchen brings up mini lobster rolls and mini avocado toast for us. We are now beyond happy. I don’t know why but free food just makes me so happy. Free things in general just make me super happy. I think its because NY is so expensive so when things are free I just take like everything possible within reason. Remember how I said I took a towel from the Chandon event? Well I actually took a towel, 2 plastic Chandon glasses, a beach bowl & sunglasses home from the Chandon event. I occasionally think I might be a hoarder but is it really hoarding if all your things are super nice? Is it? Well since I am still debating; I took the drink stirrers home. They were just too cute!

Maybe I learned hoarding from this? #allofthethings

10:00pm: We leave the event. Katie & Julie head home they are exhausted. I get in a cab to meet up with Lauren. Her & her friend Vicky went to dinner at Boqueria, a tapas* restaurant, after they were denied from the event. They just left and are now headed to The Australian, a bar in midtown.

10:20pm: I used to work in midtown and somehow every bar in midtown looks exactly the same even though they all have different “themes.” They all are like weirdly narrow with a ton of tables and 7 or 8 plasma big screen playing sports. There are always like way too many decorations displaying the theme. It’s like there are secret interior-design zoning restrictions for this area and every bar has to super cheezy. This bar is Australian themed so they have lots of kangaroo decorations and Tim Tams for sale. I am a little confused why Lauren picked this bar since she just returned from actual Australia and her Australian friend Katie has just joined us. I am then introduced to the bartender Chelsea, Lauren’s friend. The world makes sense again. She’s so lovely and also gives us our drinks at huge discount or for free. I have spent like $5 total now on drinks & food for the evening. AMAZING. Also Lauren & Vicky look super cute and are wearing all black so I don’t know what the Cointreau girl’s damage was. I am sort of miffed because I go to free sponsored events a lot and they usually are pretty straightforward. If you RSVPed and they aren’t at capacity then you get in. If it was supposed to be an “exclusive” event you shouldn’t have an open online RSVP. Don’t front Cointreau. I decide Cointreau just has a chip on its shoulder because everyone like Grand Marnier better and they fucking know it. No one makes margaritas with you and no one cares about you because you’re an aperitif guys.

12:10pm: Chelsea offers us a shot for the road and we accept. I don’t need another drink but…it’s free. As I stated before I have such a hard time refusing free things. Bartenders think they are being nice by giving you shots but it usually it just kills you later. Like I actually think some of my bartender friends are trying to kill me with how much alcohol they want to give me. Knowing this I still accept the shot because I am tipsy so I think this is a super excellent idea! More free tequila! **

12:11pm: And so my night ended how it began doing shots of free tequila with no salt and no lime; a NYFW miracle.

*I hate tapas restaurants. You spend like a million dollars, you’re still hungry and everything is fried. I mean I like prosciutto as much as the next gal but it’s so expensive. Like you’re not even cooking it anything why is this $15 for 3 small pieces? Furthermore I don’t always want to share with everyone. I feel like not everyone is super clear about germ theory and how it works. Why does everyone want to “share”? This is why like 95% of the populations have oral herpes guys. I think the 3 leading causes of spreading the virus are kissing, sharing and tapas, in that order.

** I can now tell you this was a horrible idea and sunlight is too bright this morning.