7:25pm: I decided last minute I really want to go see Fantasmic, the Fantasia-based show and fireworks spectacular at Disney’s Hollywood Studios (formerly known as MGM studios). My first choice was to go see the fireworks at Magic Kingdom but I found out about an hour ago that it closes at 7pm tonight for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party costs $70 per person in addition to the cost of a park ticket. Little kids do get free candy but since I am not a little kid it seems very silly to shell out the cash for this event. Also it’s SIX WEEKS before Halloween people.

Even the residents of Halloween Town know Halloween is just one day people.

So now we are at Hollywood Studios walking down the long path to the huge amphitheater. Pop covers of classic Disney movie songs are booming through the speakers. My sister is particularly in love with a cover of Part of Your World by a pre-twerking Miley Cyrus.

Don't worry guys I found it so you can also enjoy this masterpiece.

7:45pm: My sister & I eat Mickey pops for dinner. Mickey pops aren’t actually called Mickey pops but that’s what my mom has always called them. They’re actually called “Mickey’s Premium Ice Cream Bars” and they’re vanilla ice cream bars covered in chocolate shaped like Mickey’s head. There are so many food items are shaped like Mickey’s head in Disney world. Like about 50% of all food items are shaped like Mickey’s head: cookies, ice cream, lollipops, pretzels etc. It’s cute but also a little creepy like we are all taking some weird Disney communion and embracing the body of Mickey Mouse into our heart & souls.

7:55pm: The huge amphitheater is now almost full. The primo seating is reserved for either people with Fastpass+ or people who bought the dinner package. Disney loves a tiered system. In the past, Disney was more of a meritocracy in terms of getting the primo seating or first on the ride. You just had to wake up the earliest, be there first, and walk or run the fastest. Now you can pretty much pay extra to get better seats or avoid lines or waiting. However, there are still a few tricks and I got us relatively good seats by finding a space between two large families.

8:00pm: The show begins! The premise of Fantasmic is that you’re seeing what’s in Mickey’s imagination and he’s having a total blast.Then, the Wicked Queen from Snow White appears on stage, upset that Mickey is happy and casts a spell on Mickey to control his imagination, turning his dream into a nightmare. I am not sure if this is supposed to be a metaphor for parents bringing you down? Or the man bringing you down? Basically Mickey just wants to have a good time and no one will let him.

The whole show is basically a reminiscent of an acid trip; it’s great at first and everything is beautiful but then you peak and things get a little too intense and everything is terrifying but then you remember that it’s your mind and you can control everything and you defeat a giant animatronic dragon. Then the green fairy, I mean Tinker-Bell appears. Suddenly, Mickey is suddenly on a party boat with 20 of his best friends also dancing.

The grand finale is just Mickey in a sparkly sorcerer’s apprentice outfit on top of the mountain dancing to music that sounds like if a marching band played a song similar to the Mario Party video game soundtrack with fireworks bursting above his head to the rhythm.

Then he disappears and reappears in his usual outfit at the bottom of the mountain and says “some imagination ha-ha.” And that’s why Disney is the anti-drug. I have friends who have taken drugs at Disney World* but I think my head would literally explode; sensory overload, ha-ha.

Please keep arms & legs inside the vehicle at all times.

8:30pm: We reach the pier but the last boat back to our hotel leaves the dock. We have to walk home now on a weird deserted path about a mile or two back to our hotel. Gabby constantly sings the same line from frozen over and over again. LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOOR-OR-OR. I think she is tempting me to murder her and dump her into this man-made lagoon.

9:00pm: I spot something moving on the ground and think it is a frog. I go for a closer look and it’s a huge roach. YUCK YUCK YUCK. This is the first time ever I have seen a roach in Disney. I don’t know what they do to get rid of bugs but there are usually little or no bugs in and around Disney. I have been here three days and I haven’t gotten a single mosquito bite. I assume they have some secret methods that involve lots of daily chemical clouds bug genocides and the introduction of extra spiders to get rid of mosquitos and other pests but even so on the walk home I spot a second roach. This proves that not even the magic of Disney can stop the roaches… I imagine it’s the roach from Wall-E to help ease my mind.

*One friend (who will remain anonymous) told me about taking molly for the first time at a high school field trip in Disneyland and then got on the teacups at night and just tweaked out. Another friend (who will also remain anonymous) ate an edible then went to the Magic Kingdom and proceeded to eat about 5 churros and get really paranoid by the little animatronic people on it’s a small world. Let’s just keep Disney pure guys and only occasionally drink in Epcot.