6:15pm: I arrive at Katie’s apartment for her 2nd Annual Christmas Cookie Exchange. What is a cookie exchange you ask? Well, basically every attendee of the party bakes a couple dozen cookies (NO STORE BOUGHT COOKIES as per Katie's command) and then exchanges their cookies with other people’s cookies. It’s a pretty simple party idea usually executed by suburban housewives and geriatrics but Katie being Katie has brought the cookie swap to millennial Brooklyn. Mostly making it a “millennial” party just means that in addition to cookies, there is copious amounts of alcohol & cheap pizza.

Katie is very excited about this party. Katie sent out the invitations for the party the day after Halloween. Two weeks ago she frantically posted that we all must post the type of cookie we were bringing so that there could be a nice variety without duplicates. Katie is very serious about Christmas because she really really loves Christmas. Therefore have very strict rules for her Christmas party.

Katie is at this level of Christmas excitement...

One of her rules is that that no one could wear all black, and must wear something festive. I will wear festive clothing on actual christmas but A. it's 60 degrees out and B. It's like 2 weeks away from actual Christmas. I have not accepted that Christmas is all of December now - it gets maybe MAYBE 12 days at most from me.

YES IT IS SANTA!!! Stop trying to exploit money from me.

Therefore, I would like to wear normal clothes because it's Saturday and I am going out in the actual world after this. I wear all black all the time and told Katie that black was the color of the night sky in Bethlehem when the baby Jesus was born and therefore it is a Christmas color. She did not accept this, and said “well there were stars, so you better be wearing something sparkly – at least sequins. As I said, she is very serious about Christmas. So fearing her wrath I found some old candy cane earrings in the back of my jewelry drawer, slapped on some red lipstick and tried to make myself festive.

6:45pm: A great cookie selection this year. All the usual suspects were there - gingerbread men, peanut butter, chocolate chip & oatmeal raisin, as well as a few more obscure treats – "Christmas Crack", whoopie pies, kolatchke... I made chocolate fudge with bourbon sugar & chewy molasses cookies. Why did I make two things? Well these are the two things I made last year, one was mine and one was technically my sister’s cookie, because she didn’t want to bake. These treats require obscure ingredients such as Maldon salt & Dark Molasses. So I figured “waste not want not” and literally shopped my pantry to make these cookies.

Katie made her signature rum balls, recipe direct from her grandmother. She lowered the rum in the recipe by ½ and they still taste like straight rum. All the kiddos must have been drunk at Katie’s family Christmas events.

Dramatic Reenactment of Katie's family Christmas

Mason, the Ron Swanson of the party, who brought ribs last year and who doesn’t bake made these:

Yes that is crispy bacon pieces topped with a melted white chocolate KitKat bars and yes they weredelicious. One could eat them while watching this video...

10:30pm: About four hours, 100 cookies, 10 bottles of wine, 4 batches of spiked cider and 7 pizzas later the party is winding down. Everyone is trying to rally to go to their next party or event because it’s Saturday and people are popular. Lauren & I roll out the door and into our Uber Pool to head to Bed Stuy.

10:45pm: Lauren’s friend from college, Andrew Devlon, a local NY DJ and idea guy at Level , is hosting an art show slash party at his apartment. The show is part of Neighboring Walls, a series of art shows in apartments of local artists. The event is BYO and anyone is welcome to show his or her art. I love the idea of a relaxed art show for local artists because it’s a way for people to show their art in a relatively pressure free environment. The apartment is a great space for the art party with high ceilings and a built in, home-music-studio where Devlon and his friends are djing the party. There is a large variety of local artwork on the wall, and lots of cheese. I think there is an unwritten rule that you can’t have an art show without at least two types cheese & crackers. Free art shows (and free cheese) attract all sorts of people. We met someone who is professional rock climber (who knew this was even a thing?) & a farmer and then chatted with someone studying to become a Rabbi. Well Brooklyn is nothing if not diverse.

Photo from a previous show - source: http://neighboringwalls.com/ — Photo from a previous show - source: http://neighboringwalls.com/

1:15am: We head out from the art show to our third destination of the night, The Good Room. Efdemin, a Berlin-based techno DJ who often plays the infamous Berghain has top billing tonight.

2:00am: Efdemin goes on. The dance floor has filled up quite a bit. I am enjoying Efdemin although people are crowding my dance space. His style is very dreamy and sounds like you’ve entered your techno alien love landscape.

1. 0:00 Efdemin - Parallaxis (The Borderland State rmx) (DIAL/unreleased) 2. 5:30 The Persuader - Hymn to him (CONCRETE MUSIC) 3. 6:50 Asusu - Rendering (LIVETY SOUND) 4. 12:12 DJ QU - Eden (YYGREC) 5. 16:42 Octave One - Meridian (430 WEST RECORDS) 6. 21:18 Prince of Denmark - Cut untitled cut (FORUM) 7. 26:30 Rennie Foster - Monochasm (XPLOR MUSIC) 8. 30:59 The Oliverwhofactory - Moonhacker (MADD CHAISE INC) 9. 34:46 Karlist - Skinns Off (RUSSIAN TORRENT VERSION) 10. 36:46 Jeff Mills - DeJohnette (PURPOSE MAKER) 11. 38:55 Staffan Linzatti - On whose behalf (SEARCHLIGHTS) 12. 42:00 Steve Stoll - Echoepark (SYNEWAVE) 13. 43:40 DJ QU - Undescribed (Believer) (Semesters) 14. 46:20 Planetary Assaul System - Serc (MOTE EVOLVER) 15. 48:31 Kim Rapatti - Untitled (mood ep) (PLUG RESEARCH) 16. 51:11 Claudio Mate - Everything´s Okay in Detroit (deep mix) (KLAP KLAP) 17. 54:20 Kim Rapatti - The future (DUM) 18. 55:30 Terrence Dixon - The Study (TRESOR) 19. 58:25 Eshu - Cesium (ESHU RECORDS) 20. 1:01:48 Christian Morgenstern - Miscellaneous 02 (KANZLERAMT) 21. 1:07:03 E.R.P. - Pith (Frustrated Funk)

2:45am: Sometimes the most entertaining place to be is ladies bathroom. Not in a weird way but because ladies in NYC say the weirdest shit, all the time. Especially once intoxicated. I overheard a girl say to complete strangers “We all have to go on our own hair journey.” She did have great hair, but like, who talks about their “hair journey.” What is a hair journey? What differentiates a hair journey from a hair quest? I think the only people who have actually been on a hair journey are the guy who climbed up Rapunzel’s braids or the actual band Journey.

3:00am: The crowd has thinned out tremendously yet some spastic dude still manages to invade my personal space elbow me in the face and step on my foot. He’s so out of it he doesn’t even apologize like a regular human. Then when I go to the bar, this dude kept telling Lauren and I jokes and would not fucking leave us alone. When I didn’t laugh at his jokes, he said “did you not get it?” No, I got it, I just didn’t think it was funny. Dude: “no you just didn’t understand.” NO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE BRO.

At this moment, Lauren points out that the entire crowd is super “basic.” It looks like everyone decided today that they were going to go to “da club” and literally don’t know or care who is playing. They also look like they have drunk way too much, taken way too many drugs and just in general are there to get fucked up. There are girls in heels for Christ’s sake – who wears heels to a techno show?

One cannot boogie for several hours in heels

Now I try not to be mean-spirited and judge people, but sometimes people are just the worst and these people were actually the worst. When did the rude Manhattan party crowd start coming to Greenpoint? I didn’t know they knew this neighborhood existed. It’s so out of the way. Is it because Lena Dunham's character - Hannah from HBO’s Girls lives in Greenpoint? Probably. Ugh, just another way Girls is ruining my life. Lauren’s theory is that that maybe because SantaCon was in Williamsburg this year, these people decided to go out to Verboten and Output and then when those places were full or too expensive they were like well there is this place called Good Room** maybe we should go there? One dude wearing an elf hat verified this theory. So even though the music as good, we left because I don’t want to be stepped on, creeped on, or witness an overdose.

Drinking while wearing a Santa Costume is not cute guys.

3:30am: As we walk from Greenpoint to Williamsburg I keep getting cat called and glared at on the street. Apparently guys are really turned on by my festive Christmas outfit. Like I am showing no cleavage and wearing timberlands. One guy walked along side Lauren & I and talked to me for five minutes and then asked for my number. Like “no STRANGER”. Does this pick-up technique usually work for you? What is happening? WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?! Should have just worn the usual black because apparently creepy dudes love Christmas as much as Katie.

*Maybe Katie read this article... or actually maybe she wrote it.

**This is not a critique of Good Room overall. I have been to Good Room many other times in the past months and this is the first time this has happened. Usually the crowd is nice and just wants to boogie.