6:30pm: I am still frosting cupcakes. Why does frosting cupcakes take so long? No wonder these cost like $5 each at Sprinkles. They take for-fucking-ever to make. All I’ve been doing for the last hour is manhandling butter. Well technically butter with powdered sugar and Bailey’s Irish Cream. So frosting. Somehow eating frosting straight is less gross to people than eating just straight butter, which apparently was a mainstay of the Irish diet pre-potato.

I finally finish the Irish Car Bomb* cupcakes for an impromptu St. Patrick’s Day party at my apartment.

I am not of Irish descent on either side of my family but my Dad makes corned beef and cabbage every year. I think this tradition started because my parents love buying what’s on sale and corned beef and cabbage is always on sale for St. Patrick's Day. Also it’s incredibly easy to make. The cooking instructions are on the corned beef package when you buy it and it almost always comes with an "irish" spice packet. You just boil the meat in a big pot with spices then you take out the meat and boil the vegetables in the same pot in the spiced meat water. Don't underestimate the power of good meat water.

Snapchat updates of cooking. All the essentials - Butter, Cabbage & Meat. — Snapchat updates of cooking. All the essentials - Butter, Cabbage & Meat.

So last week I saw corned beef was on sale and decided I would continue on with this frugal traditional of cultural appropriation. Then suddenly a small dinner with four people turned into a dinner with 9 people because everyone loves an excuse to eat salted meat and drink Guinness – which also sort of tastes like liquid meat. Love meat. Tried to be vegetarian for March, I lasted about 6 days before my body craved blood.

7:30pm: My friends all arrive on time. I think they may be a first for my friend group. Are we all maturing? Or is everyone just super punctual because they saw my snap-story about making the cupcakes? Ladies do love themed carbs.

8:15pm: After four hours of boiling, the food is ready. I put 5 pounds of steaming hot corned beef on the table and about 10 pounds of potatoes, cabbage, and carrots. I put out two sauces: Guinness Mustard Sauce and Horseradish Sour Cream. Dinner Party Tip: sauce makes everything seem fancier. I mean meat is meat but meat with sauce is cuisine. Basically the whole reason French cooking is fancy is just lots of sauces.

More than half of the meat is gone in 5 minutes. Apparently the Irish Soda bread biscuits did not fill everyone up. Most of the vegetables are gone but there are still about 5 pounds of potatoes. Guess my friends aren't Irish enough to eat 10 pounds of potatoes. More for ME!

9:30pm: After everyone has gorged themselves on meat, beer & booze cupcakes. We decide to watch a "Irish" movie. Sadly, the classic pre-Bond Sean Connery Film Darby O’Gill and the Little People** is not on Netflix so we settle for watching The Departed. The Departed has very little to do with St Patrick’s Day but it is a Oscar winning film about Irish-American culture in Boston as told by the Italian-American Martin Scorsese. But truthfully the American version of St Patrick’s Day has very little to do with Ireland and more to do with being Irish American anyway so it’s sort of fitting. It also features a song by the Dropkick Murphy’s? So that’s Irish enough right?

10:00pm: Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon both look so young and fine in this movie. TBH Matt Damon still looks pretty fine. However Leo has gone off the deep end and is slowly turning into Jack Nicholson. He doesn’t care though, he has an Oscar and VS models will always fuck him because charm, money, fame etc.

11:30pm: We started playing a drinking game where everyone drinks when they say microprocessors. They say microprocessors about 100 times. Thank god we were playing with beer and not whiskey.

12:00am: Them movie is over and I won’t spoil the ending but the last 10 minutes of this movies if absolutely bonkers. And like most Scorsese movies you leave having enjoyed the film and very glad you aren’t part of organized crime and no one is after you. Unless of course you are actually a gangster and then my suggestion is just don’t watch Scorsese films except maybe Goodfellas. Everyone should watch Goodfellas.

*Irish Car Bomb is the politically insensitive/offensively named drink where a shot of Jameson & Bailey’s is dropped into a pint of Guinness. It is politically insensitive because of the past IRA bombings. The cupcakes are a Guinness Chocolate Stout cake with Jameson whiskey chocolate ganache filling and bailey’s Irish Cream Buttercream Frosting. But naming them by the ingredients would be a mouthful so I think I will rename them...Irish Booze Cupcakes? Irish Granny Liquor Cabinet Raid Cupcakes?

But I put all the booze in these damn cupcakes...

** If you haven't seen Darby O'Gill and the Little People you should because it's a super weird live action Disney movie from 1959 about an old man and a leprechaun king. The movie also and a super cute young Sean Connery singing and trying to have an Irish accent.